I'm homesick. Miss shared experience. Adventure by oneself, while still adventure, gets old after awhile, old and lonely. Some people say you learn the most about yourself, grow, when you are alone. I think I'm the opposite. I sorta shut down. I think I'm more challenged by other people...
More on today later - it was a pretty good solo adventure day.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Afterthoughts
Yeah ok - so 2 things I didn't put in my blog from last night. I'm still annoyed about having gained weight and having issues with food. I wish it wasn't so easy for me to gain and so hard to take it off. Ugh - feeling fat :-(. Why is food so complicated? Why can't it just be enjoyed? I really do love food :-). Although my oral fixation doesn't help - I really need to chew on something all the time. Gum is my friend.
Also, I'm still confused about guys. They are confusing, see. I know I'm in a vulnerable place now and that doesn't help. But lately I've been really enjoying talking with Naveen. Is that bad? We shall see...
Ok bye again. Going to enjoy rainy New York.
Also, I'm still confused about guys. They are confusing, see. I know I'm in a vulnerable place now and that doesn't help. But lately I've been really enjoying talking with Naveen. Is that bad? We shall see...
Ok bye again. Going to enjoy rainy New York.
Friday, October 26, 2007
I like Montreal
So I'm back in New York now. But I was in Montreal for the last 6 days! And I had a good time. It was a bit of a nuisance to travel, but also nice to get out of the city. And awesome to discover a new place - love adventuring :-). And the conference went well...
So last Friday I went in to work because a colleague from UT was visiting. Was a productive day with research - lots of meetings and maybe a new direction. I really hope we can capitalize on this work before November 15 - our new deadline! But anyway - got a ride back to the city, dropped off money to secure my new place next to Union Square for November, made a few nice phone calls. Then went to dinner at a place my carpool guy (Ramon) had recommended - Florent. Looks like a diner, but had sorta French good. Treated myself to good french onion soup, then a sort of cous cous stew with chicken and sausage and lots of veggies - it was Moroccan, sorta spicy. Different and nice. Then went home and packed. Nice to be in the house alone - of course my roommate and I go out of town on the same weekend so neither of us can enjoy the solitude!
Had to get up really early Saturday to get to Penn Station for a 7:45 train. Sorta out of it, but I got a nice bagel :-). Met Mike a bit up the track. I ended up sleeping for a couple of hours - very nice. And then Mike and I got food and spent awhile in the observation car (on the 2nd level!). The scenery was just GORGEOUS - tried to get some pictures, but don't think I did it justice. The fall colors were beautiful, and we went through the Adirondack Park so past some beautiful lakes too. Wow. It was worth it. It was really nice to chat with Mike and catch up - he told me about his engagement. So train ride was supposed to take 10 hours, but it ended up taking more like 11. We were stopped on the border being inspected by Canadian border people for over an hour! They were intense - asking where you were going, for what purpose, what you have in your luggage, and they even were looking under seat cushions. Weird. Oh yeah and throughout the ride this older Lebanese gentleman wanted to talk to us (he said he wanted to talk to the pretty lady). He found out we were Computer Scientists and kept asking us questions about it although he knew very little about the subject. Ugh. But we finally made it and walked to the hotel.
So I went out to literally every meal up in Montreal (except breakfast). So this will be the food paragraph - summarizing :-). Had some awesome food. That first night I convinced people to walk to St. Laurant street where there were a ton of restaurants. I got a nice savory crepe stuffed with food of "mer" - seafood stuff. Scallops and shrimp and stuff - and cheese - don't forget the cheese. Sorta heavy but really tasty. Next lunch we went to a close place to get Dim Sum in Chinatown which was next to the conference center. Dim Sum was good (and free - Intel paid), but I am sick of it - the consistency is just...slimy. Things that aren't so good for me and make my stomach gurgle a bit. So don't want it again for awhile... Then for dinner we went to Old Town which was close to the conference place. Old Town street was really cute with lots of art and stone buildings. We went to a slightly fancy place called Pyrennes - so French/Spanish food. Got wine, and very slow service, and small portions for a lot of money - got tasty braised lamb though :-). Love lamb. Next lunch - back to old town - sat outside in a courtyard and it was a beautiful day. Got an awesome green salad, then salmon with pesto sauce and bean sprouts. Yum. Fancy meals... That night we had a reception for the conference, so I basically ate finger foods and vegies they had there. Then I convinced people to walk to St. Denis street - another one with a ton of restaurants. A bunch of us went to a pub (they have good ones here), and got some tasty local beers and a cheese and pear plate - yum :-).
So we come to Tuesday. Ate some Mediterranean food - beef and chicken shwarma in the conference center. Really rude waiter. Btw the service in general in Montreal is slow, and you have to ask for the check because they will never bring it! Then for dinner joined a bunch of people for Thai food down the main shopping street (St. Catherine). Had tofu red curry - it was odd, had pumpkin squash in it. OK. Then went out to the British pub street for a beer afterwards - Crescent street :-). Got most of the street recommendations from Ramon who went to undergrad at McGill up there. Beautiful campus, but I'll get to that. Then Wednesday I broke down and though we were at a fancy-ish French place I got pizza. Had to put red flakes on it as Naveen taught me :-). Then that night I sort of invited us out with David Bacon - guy I work with at IBM and program chair for the conference. So he's a big wig. And my advisor was going too. But David is a food snob, so we went to a very fancy French restaurant and spent $50 per person! Got some red wine, of course, and had some good leek soup and duck. The duck was a bit chewy but I like the veggies. The dessert (we got one of those fixed price, including soup and dessert and coffee) was horrible. I think it was supposed to be carrot cake, but it was more like carrot brick with random nuts in it. So yeah - sorta overpriced for the restaurant. Oh well. Ok, last day of the conference - Thursday. Went to a fancy French place for lunch by happenstance, but it was awesome! Also on St. Laurant. Another price fix, but way underpriced. And they even give a complimentary little appetizer and dessert even if you don't order anything. This place was small, but ceremony and plating was everything - very gourmet! Everything was so delicious - small quantities, but that was all you needed. Yum. Had a pumpkin and ginger soup. Then had sea bass special over apple pieces and with a cider sauce - yum. Fun find. Last meal with the gang was back in Old Town - we went to Indian! And nice enough Dave Grove bought the meal for us on IBM's dime! We did family style - got samosas, good local beer. We had 4 dishes (plus naan of course): lamb vindaloo, chicken korma, lamb saagwala (me of course), and chicken tikka masala. Love Indian food - reminds me of Naveen. The tikka masala was awesome, and the saag was good. The vindaloo was HOT!! Like just a little bit burned your mouth. Fun to eat. We had a lot of jokes about the vindaloo - burning one guy's ears :-). Fun group. But for some reason I got made fun of for saying silly things - I really didn't drunk that much I promise! But we had fun and went for another beer afterwards - rounded out the conference nicely!
So much for food. The conference was fun. The first 2 days was a specialized conference for just my field - Memory Management. I loved those days - I knew most of the crowd there (pretty small - 60 people?) and it was easy to talk to people. And the work was largely interesting. So fun times. Felt charged again. Sometimes I get down on research, but conference sort of cheer me up - like I do belong here! I know what's going on, I understand the trends, and I can throw around creative ideas with people. Not just in your own little world doing your own research :-). It's fun to go to conferences and hang out with people. Anyway. The actual conference OOPSLA, or ooPSLA as they are calling it now, was less in line with my research, so I didn't go to as many sessions. It's just a really broad conference, and there's lots of industry people and tutorials and other things going on. And boy did they suck with food and refreshments this year! But something fun - ran into a friend who I went to undergrad at UA with, and a lecturer at UA who I worked with when I did undergrad-TAing. Fun to see them again! And saw my groupmate (Mike) give his 2 - yes 2 - research talks there. Sigh. Wish I could get 1 paper in once, somewhere! It was fun to be at the conference, but felt a little sad that I really didn't have my own successful, solid research to talk to people about - to have people come up to me and interested in my stuff. When is it my turn? Why do I feel like I've gotten the short end of the stick for a long time? I hope it works for me, and SOON!
But the nice thing about not wanting to go to a lot of the conference is that I had time to exercise everday, and time to walk around the city which was awesome! I used my cute hotel's gym 4 times, snuck into the Hyatt (conference hotel) once morning to swim - yay!, and ran outside with some other students another day. Felt good about all the exercise! And swimming was fun - did I think around 1200 meters in about 38 minutes which I think is good, but it's harder in warm water! That was the day that it rained all day too. The first 2 days (when I was at the conference the whole time), it was warm and beautiful and sunny. Then it rained all day Tuesday and got cold, so the high was in the 50s the rest of the week. But after Tuesday it was sunny at least, and I liked the fall days! So after the conference started, I walked around a different part of town everyday. Tuesday I walked around St. Catherine - the shopping street, and through the really pretty McGill campus. Had lots of fall colors - red, orange, yellow and green leaves. The campus is at the foot of Mont Real - the "mountain" in the middle of town. And some of the buildings are pretty - made of stone with the green patina roofs - sorta castle-like. Neat to blend in too :-). So that was a fun walk. Then Wednesday walked around Old Montreal and the port area. Also nice - some fancy churches and buildings passed. Some pretty parks. That was also where me and some others (I was the slowest and the first to quit running) ran later that day - pretty :-). 50s is good for running! Then Thursday I left after lunch and went to climb Mont Real! I highly recommend that - beautiful walk up the mountain, altho the path is long and winding. Wish I had a bike like a lot of other people. Pretty trees, again, then at the top (after several flights of stairs), there was a lookout area. Beautiful cityscapes! You could see for miles and miles - the downtown area, the river, bridges everything. Of course I took pics :-). Fun times. Liked that walk the best. Walked down through McGill - was a lot faster than taking the winding path because you basically walk down stairs straight down the mountain.
Today was my last day. Was sad most of my city-seeing was by myself, though I really enjoyed it. I love exploring a new city, especially when it's fun and easy to walk and it's pretty and good weather. I skipping seeing museums and the like... Prefer to be outside! But yeah, was a little lonely. Although I had fun going out drinking with my work buddies just about every night, I was a bit empty - like no one really asking how my day REALLY was. No one really knowing me... I guess it's par for the course, but it struck me when I was coming home today on the plane and they announced it would be late and we could call quickly to notify people in NYC that no one cared what time I got home... But I made it home ok! Had a lazy day today actually - let myself sleep in until 9, then did free continental breakfast and workout, some email checking. Got out of the room finally, then went out on the town - took the metro to the Olympic Stadium because apparently that's a big landmark there. It was neat, but not much to see. There was a Biodome and Botanical Garden next to the stadium, the their entrance fees were > $10 each and I only had an hour and a half, so I passed. I just strolled around and ate lunch and enjoyed the trees and all. Felt peaceful. Felt nice. I feel very versatile now - am able to be dropped in any major city, find my way around, see things there is to see, use public transport, and enjoy myself. No problem! Even those like Montreal where the main language isn't English! (It's French). So fun... Only Canadian city I still need to see is Toronto I think :-).
So, finally got home after an interesting airport trip in Montreal (tried to take the bus, then it sucked so I took a taxi, and slept most of hte ride to the airport). Then my flight was switched when I got to the airport, and it was delayed. But it was all ok. Just wish it wasn't so hard to get to Laguardia! Took a bus into the city, then the subway to get home, then of course had to walk 10 minutes in the rain to actually get home. Was glad to be back, "home" as it were. Familiarity at least, although again feeling a little empty. But hope to sleep well this weekend and have some fun. Hopefully it won't keep raining! Did treat myself to sushi tonight - with a seaweed + edamame salad before which was tasty. Then got a Magnolia Cafe fresh cupcake for dessert - yum :-). Yay accessibility!
Well, this is long and I should get some sleep. Hope you all have a fun weekend planned! Later...
So last Friday I went in to work because a colleague from UT was visiting. Was a productive day with research - lots of meetings and maybe a new direction. I really hope we can capitalize on this work before November 15 - our new deadline! But anyway - got a ride back to the city, dropped off money to secure my new place next to Union Square for November, made a few nice phone calls. Then went to dinner at a place my carpool guy (Ramon) had recommended - Florent. Looks like a diner, but had sorta French good. Treated myself to good french onion soup, then a sort of cous cous stew with chicken and sausage and lots of veggies - it was Moroccan, sorta spicy. Different and nice. Then went home and packed. Nice to be in the house alone - of course my roommate and I go out of town on the same weekend so neither of us can enjoy the solitude!
Had to get up really early Saturday to get to Penn Station for a 7:45 train. Sorta out of it, but I got a nice bagel :-). Met Mike a bit up the track. I ended up sleeping for a couple of hours - very nice. And then Mike and I got food and spent awhile in the observation car (on the 2nd level!). The scenery was just GORGEOUS - tried to get some pictures, but don't think I did it justice. The fall colors were beautiful, and we went through the Adirondack Park so past some beautiful lakes too. Wow. It was worth it. It was really nice to chat with Mike and catch up - he told me about his engagement. So train ride was supposed to take 10 hours, but it ended up taking more like 11. We were stopped on the border being inspected by Canadian border people for over an hour! They were intense - asking where you were going, for what purpose, what you have in your luggage, and they even were looking under seat cushions. Weird. Oh yeah and throughout the ride this older Lebanese gentleman wanted to talk to us (he said he wanted to talk to the pretty lady). He found out we were Computer Scientists and kept asking us questions about it although he knew very little about the subject. Ugh. But we finally made it and walked to the hotel.
So I went out to literally every meal up in Montreal (except breakfast). So this will be the food paragraph - summarizing :-). Had some awesome food. That first night I convinced people to walk to St. Laurant street where there were a ton of restaurants. I got a nice savory crepe stuffed with food of "mer" - seafood stuff. Scallops and shrimp and stuff - and cheese - don't forget the cheese. Sorta heavy but really tasty. Next lunch we went to a close place to get Dim Sum in Chinatown which was next to the conference center. Dim Sum was good (and free - Intel paid), but I am sick of it - the consistency is just...slimy. Things that aren't so good for me and make my stomach gurgle a bit. So don't want it again for awhile... Then for dinner we went to Old Town which was close to the conference place. Old Town street was really cute with lots of art and stone buildings. We went to a slightly fancy place called Pyrennes - so French/Spanish food. Got wine, and very slow service, and small portions for a lot of money - got tasty braised lamb though :-). Love lamb. Next lunch - back to old town - sat outside in a courtyard and it was a beautiful day. Got an awesome green salad, then salmon with pesto sauce and bean sprouts. Yum. Fancy meals... That night we had a reception for the conference, so I basically ate finger foods and vegies they had there. Then I convinced people to walk to St. Denis street - another one with a ton of restaurants. A bunch of us went to a pub (they have good ones here), and got some tasty local beers and a cheese and pear plate - yum :-).
So we come to Tuesday. Ate some Mediterranean food - beef and chicken shwarma in the conference center. Really rude waiter. Btw the service in general in Montreal is slow, and you have to ask for the check because they will never bring it! Then for dinner joined a bunch of people for Thai food down the main shopping street (St. Catherine). Had tofu red curry - it was odd, had pumpkin squash in it. OK. Then went out to the British pub street for a beer afterwards - Crescent street :-). Got most of the street recommendations from Ramon who went to undergrad at McGill up there. Beautiful campus, but I'll get to that. Then Wednesday I broke down and though we were at a fancy-ish French place I got pizza. Had to put red flakes on it as Naveen taught me :-). Then that night I sort of invited us out with David Bacon - guy I work with at IBM and program chair for the conference. So he's a big wig. And my advisor was going too. But David is a food snob, so we went to a very fancy French restaurant and spent $50 per person! Got some red wine, of course, and had some good leek soup and duck. The duck was a bit chewy but I like the veggies. The dessert (we got one of those fixed price, including soup and dessert and coffee) was horrible. I think it was supposed to be carrot cake, but it was more like carrot brick with random nuts in it. So yeah - sorta overpriced for the restaurant. Oh well. Ok, last day of the conference - Thursday. Went to a fancy French place for lunch by happenstance, but it was awesome! Also on St. Laurant. Another price fix, but way underpriced. And they even give a complimentary little appetizer and dessert even if you don't order anything. This place was small, but ceremony and plating was everything - very gourmet! Everything was so delicious - small quantities, but that was all you needed. Yum. Had a pumpkin and ginger soup. Then had sea bass special over apple pieces and with a cider sauce - yum. Fun find. Last meal with the gang was back in Old Town - we went to Indian! And nice enough Dave Grove bought the meal for us on IBM's dime! We did family style - got samosas, good local beer. We had 4 dishes (plus naan of course): lamb vindaloo, chicken korma, lamb saagwala (me of course), and chicken tikka masala. Love Indian food - reminds me of Naveen. The tikka masala was awesome, and the saag was good. The vindaloo was HOT!! Like just a little bit burned your mouth. Fun to eat. We had a lot of jokes about the vindaloo - burning one guy's ears :-). Fun group. But for some reason I got made fun of for saying silly things - I really didn't drunk that much I promise! But we had fun and went for another beer afterwards - rounded out the conference nicely!
So much for food. The conference was fun. The first 2 days was a specialized conference for just my field - Memory Management. I loved those days - I knew most of the crowd there (pretty small - 60 people?) and it was easy to talk to people. And the work was largely interesting. So fun times. Felt charged again. Sometimes I get down on research, but conference sort of cheer me up - like I do belong here! I know what's going on, I understand the trends, and I can throw around creative ideas with people. Not just in your own little world doing your own research :-). It's fun to go to conferences and hang out with people. Anyway. The actual conference OOPSLA, or ooPSLA as they are calling it now, was less in line with my research, so I didn't go to as many sessions. It's just a really broad conference, and there's lots of industry people and tutorials and other things going on. And boy did they suck with food and refreshments this year! But something fun - ran into a friend who I went to undergrad at UA with, and a lecturer at UA who I worked with when I did undergrad-TAing. Fun to see them again! And saw my groupmate (Mike) give his 2 - yes 2 - research talks there. Sigh. Wish I could get 1 paper in once, somewhere! It was fun to be at the conference, but felt a little sad that I really didn't have my own successful, solid research to talk to people about - to have people come up to me and interested in my stuff. When is it my turn? Why do I feel like I've gotten the short end of the stick for a long time? I hope it works for me, and SOON!
But the nice thing about not wanting to go to a lot of the conference is that I had time to exercise everday, and time to walk around the city which was awesome! I used my cute hotel's gym 4 times, snuck into the Hyatt (conference hotel) once morning to swim - yay!, and ran outside with some other students another day. Felt good about all the exercise! And swimming was fun - did I think around 1200 meters in about 38 minutes which I think is good, but it's harder in warm water! That was the day that it rained all day too. The first 2 days (when I was at the conference the whole time), it was warm and beautiful and sunny. Then it rained all day Tuesday and got cold, so the high was in the 50s the rest of the week. But after Tuesday it was sunny at least, and I liked the fall days! So after the conference started, I walked around a different part of town everyday. Tuesday I walked around St. Catherine - the shopping street, and through the really pretty McGill campus. Had lots of fall colors - red, orange, yellow and green leaves. The campus is at the foot of Mont Real - the "mountain" in the middle of town. And some of the buildings are pretty - made of stone with the green patina roofs - sorta castle-like. Neat to blend in too :-). So that was a fun walk. Then Wednesday walked around Old Montreal and the port area. Also nice - some fancy churches and buildings passed. Some pretty parks. That was also where me and some others (I was the slowest and the first to quit running) ran later that day - pretty :-). 50s is good for running! Then Thursday I left after lunch and went to climb Mont Real! I highly recommend that - beautiful walk up the mountain, altho the path is long and winding. Wish I had a bike like a lot of other people. Pretty trees, again, then at the top (after several flights of stairs), there was a lookout area. Beautiful cityscapes! You could see for miles and miles - the downtown area, the river, bridges everything. Of course I took pics :-). Fun times. Liked that walk the best. Walked down through McGill - was a lot faster than taking the winding path because you basically walk down stairs straight down the mountain.
Today was my last day. Was sad most of my city-seeing was by myself, though I really enjoyed it. I love exploring a new city, especially when it's fun and easy to walk and it's pretty and good weather. I skipping seeing museums and the like... Prefer to be outside! But yeah, was a little lonely. Although I had fun going out drinking with my work buddies just about every night, I was a bit empty - like no one really asking how my day REALLY was. No one really knowing me... I guess it's par for the course, but it struck me when I was coming home today on the plane and they announced it would be late and we could call quickly to notify people in NYC that no one cared what time I got home... But I made it home ok! Had a lazy day today actually - let myself sleep in until 9, then did free continental breakfast and workout, some email checking. Got out of the room finally, then went out on the town - took the metro to the Olympic Stadium because apparently that's a big landmark there. It was neat, but not much to see. There was a Biodome and Botanical Garden next to the stadium, the their entrance fees were > $10 each and I only had an hour and a half, so I passed. I just strolled around and ate lunch and enjoyed the trees and all. Felt peaceful. Felt nice. I feel very versatile now - am able to be dropped in any major city, find my way around, see things there is to see, use public transport, and enjoy myself. No problem! Even those like Montreal where the main language isn't English! (It's French). So fun... Only Canadian city I still need to see is Toronto I think :-).
So, finally got home after an interesting airport trip in Montreal (tried to take the bus, then it sucked so I took a taxi, and slept most of hte ride to the airport). Then my flight was switched when I got to the airport, and it was delayed. But it was all ok. Just wish it wasn't so hard to get to Laguardia! Took a bus into the city, then the subway to get home, then of course had to walk 10 minutes in the rain to actually get home. Was glad to be back, "home" as it were. Familiarity at least, although again feeling a little empty. But hope to sleep well this weekend and have some fun. Hopefully it won't keep raining! Did treat myself to sushi tonight - with a seaweed + edamame salad before which was tasty. Then got a Magnolia Cafe fresh cupcake for dessert - yum :-). Yay accessibility!
Well, this is long and I should get some sleep. Hope you all have a fun weekend planned! Later...
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Feelings
So I'll just warn you - sometimes I use this as my outlet when I don't have someone to talk to. Or just when I want to. And I feel some of my deeper writing is best when I'm feeling frustrated emotionally - well that's also when I like to write because I feel I need to get feelings out to deal with them - verbally or apparently by typing too.
It doesn't feel the same. Maybe I've changed, and maybe my situation is different, but it's different now. I'm not as needy - I don't cry myself to sleep about being alone, feeling this totally empty lonely feeling like I did when I was young. I don't fret over never finding the right ONE for me. Now - now I'm just tired. I drop into bed relieved that the day is over, and hope I can sleep well. But feelings are deeper - not on the surface.
I realized this today when I saw my friend Mike for the first time in months - he's a friend from school and he came to visit IBM. I was soooo happy to see him - it surprised even me. So nice to see a familiar face, a kind face. I was just happy he was here, although the whole time I saw Mike today was in big groups of IBM people and I haven't gotten to talk to him. Altho I didn't expect to, for some reason this disappointed me. I guess he was my confidante back in Portland that first summer. He became a close friend when I really needed one. Even though we don't talk all the time in Austin, I feel like he knows me pretty well. And I have news to tell him, and I heard he has news. And all day I haven't talked to him, and won't tomorrow either. But Saturday we are taking the 10 hour train ride to Montreal together, so I'm not too worried :-).
But there was something in my emotion when I saw him... I realized tonight it might be that I just hunger for people who know me - everyday people who I can relax around, who I can be myself with. Although I have some friends here, I don't feel totally relaxed - I still don't know what they are thinking of me. Even people at work, and even softball guy. I did talk on the phone to Christine the other night, and that was really nice. But I guess it's not the same. And being on the phone - I realized - really taxes me. I don't know why, but it's a chore and I can't wait to get off most of the time.
So I digress - I guess I end up more deeply affected. I can go about my daily routine and fill hours, but I feel less fulfilled overall. Sometimes depressed which comes out in my eating habits more than anything. I wish it was easier to control - it's really bad when I sit at my desk all afternoon - I want to snack all the time. But anyway. I wish it felt easier to be carefree, to relax. Too many things going on and not enough just time - to even hang out with people, or sleep! But I feel when I go back to Austin things will be better in one sense - I'll have people around who know me. But in another it'll be harder because all of my friends are married or engaged, and I'll be reminded a lot that I'm the single one. I was trying to tell a friend why hearing about my friend's big life events (engagement and pregnancy) affect me so much lately, but it is hard. Intellectually it's fine, but emotionally it's hard on me. I think part of it is that I've been the setlle down kind of person for a long time. It's not like I've been a partier all my life and am just realizing I need to settle down so to speak. Anyway...
A couple quick things about this week - went swimming Wednesday night which made me really happy. Over 2/3 of a mile in < 40 minutes after being out of practice! I went to a city facility - you are supposed to be a member, but I talked them into letting me try it once :-). Fun. Then I went to look at another place to live - that is very exhausting too. But it's right next to Union Square which is where I've always wanted to be. It'll mean a 15 minute walk to my carpool, but oh well! I actually was supposed to see this place when I was looking in October, but she bailed on me. Weird. But it's awesome! Weird layout, but huge front room (which is mine) with 20-25 feet ceilings and amazing skylights (need to see them in the day). It's cute with sort of African print stuff, wooden floors, bookcases to the ceiling, and plants everywhere. So fun :-). I'm actually in the living room with a "very comfortable" futon. The kitchen is also in this huge room, and off of it a closet and a toilet. This is all separated by my roommate's room by a hallway. She never uses the front room and is seldom home anyway, but I have to go through her room to get to the shower. Needless to say I decided to take it. So housing problem solved - finally and for hte last time. Yay! Not looking forward to the moving again, but it should be better this time. So was very happy last night. Tonight went to swanky dinner on IBM with Mike and Kathryn and mentor Martin. Had grouper that was tasty - macadamia nut encrusted. And now - to bed! Almost Montreal time.
Have a good weekend...
It doesn't feel the same. Maybe I've changed, and maybe my situation is different, but it's different now. I'm not as needy - I don't cry myself to sleep about being alone, feeling this totally empty lonely feeling like I did when I was young. I don't fret over never finding the right ONE for me. Now - now I'm just tired. I drop into bed relieved that the day is over, and hope I can sleep well. But feelings are deeper - not on the surface.
I realized this today when I saw my friend Mike for the first time in months - he's a friend from school and he came to visit IBM. I was soooo happy to see him - it surprised even me. So nice to see a familiar face, a kind face. I was just happy he was here, although the whole time I saw Mike today was in big groups of IBM people and I haven't gotten to talk to him. Altho I didn't expect to, for some reason this disappointed me. I guess he was my confidante back in Portland that first summer. He became a close friend when I really needed one. Even though we don't talk all the time in Austin, I feel like he knows me pretty well. And I have news to tell him, and I heard he has news. And all day I haven't talked to him, and won't tomorrow either. But Saturday we are taking the 10 hour train ride to Montreal together, so I'm not too worried :-).
But there was something in my emotion when I saw him... I realized tonight it might be that I just hunger for people who know me - everyday people who I can relax around, who I can be myself with. Although I have some friends here, I don't feel totally relaxed - I still don't know what they are thinking of me. Even people at work, and even softball guy. I did talk on the phone to Christine the other night, and that was really nice. But I guess it's not the same. And being on the phone - I realized - really taxes me. I don't know why, but it's a chore and I can't wait to get off most of the time.
So I digress - I guess I end up more deeply affected. I can go about my daily routine and fill hours, but I feel less fulfilled overall. Sometimes depressed which comes out in my eating habits more than anything. I wish it was easier to control - it's really bad when I sit at my desk all afternoon - I want to snack all the time. But anyway. I wish it felt easier to be carefree, to relax. Too many things going on and not enough just time - to even hang out with people, or sleep! But I feel when I go back to Austin things will be better in one sense - I'll have people around who know me. But in another it'll be harder because all of my friends are married or engaged, and I'll be reminded a lot that I'm the single one. I was trying to tell a friend why hearing about my friend's big life events (engagement and pregnancy) affect me so much lately, but it is hard. Intellectually it's fine, but emotionally it's hard on me. I think part of it is that I've been the setlle down kind of person for a long time. It's not like I've been a partier all my life and am just realizing I need to settle down so to speak. Anyway...
A couple quick things about this week - went swimming Wednesday night which made me really happy. Over 2/3 of a mile in < 40 minutes after being out of practice! I went to a city facility - you are supposed to be a member, but I talked them into letting me try it once :-). Fun. Then I went to look at another place to live - that is very exhausting too. But it's right next to Union Square which is where I've always wanted to be. It'll mean a 15 minute walk to my carpool, but oh well! I actually was supposed to see this place when I was looking in October, but she bailed on me. Weird. But it's awesome! Weird layout, but huge front room (which is mine) with 20-25 feet ceilings and amazing skylights (need to see them in the day). It's cute with sort of African print stuff, wooden floors, bookcases to the ceiling, and plants everywhere. So fun :-). I'm actually in the living room with a "very comfortable" futon. The kitchen is also in this huge room, and off of it a closet and a toilet. This is all separated by my roommate's room by a hallway. She never uses the front room and is seldom home anyway, but I have to go through her room to get to the shower. Needless to say I decided to take it. So housing problem solved - finally and for hte last time. Yay! Not looking forward to the moving again, but it should be better this time. So was very happy last night. Tonight went to swanky dinner on IBM with Mike and Kathryn and mentor Martin. Had grouper that was tasty - macadamia nut encrusted. And now - to bed! Almost Montreal time.
Have a good weekend...
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Fun weekend + confusion
So I'm currently at a laundromat - for the first time in my life! Wow. I never want to do this again. Well, it's fine if you don't have to lug your laundry with you several blocks, and if doing a small load of wash doesn't cost $3.50. Oh well. At least it'll get done!
So I can't tell you all the crazy things going on in my life! Well, I'll try, but so much goes through my head, and so much is discussed with other people, it's hard to keep up :-). But yes - I'm totally confused in my life. But I feel like that's ok. Right now I don't want to make big decisions, or know what I'm doing. I just want to float. That's unlike me, but I'm ok with it :-). Maybe it's a reaction to my life, my stress. My friend this weekend said major stress is proportional to the big life changes going on in your life - and I'm experiencing several now. Moving, career crisis, and relationship ending. It's all up in the air. I wish I could let myself relax, let it all go. Why do I continually stop myself? Why do I have such restraint, such conscience, such a compass, and such fear? Well, it makes me me, and I'm going to trust my instincts right now. It's what I got.
But let me just reassure again - I'm ok. I had a hard day Friday. I learned of major life events of my friends back in Austin (engagement, pregnancy) and it actually quite depressed me. Partially because I am not there to be a part of their news, and partly because my peers are moving ahead in their personal lives and I am not necessarily. I know I can't compare myself to anyone, but there's still some weird feelings there. I want to be the one getting engaged. But I really do want it to be with the right person.... So se la vie. And part of my Friday woes were feeling like real friends weren't around to talk to. I just needed to reach out to someone, talk... I'm better now :-).
And as much as I complain my butt off about grad school - I realized talking to Naveen last night (yes, I went to him as a reach out person) that I have a big complex about Comp Sci. Sure, the culture could not jive with my personality, but a lot of disappointment is in my head, and wrapped up with my expectations. And actually with a lot of Naveen's expectations of himself in grad school which I can never live up to. Given - he didn't expect me to, but I still felt all his opinions on passion and sacrificing for the PhD every day. So anyway. I need to work through that, and some anger. Lots of confusion. But I'm hopeful. I really want my research to work out, and I really want to stay in grad school. Sure maybe I don't want to research when I get out - I really love to teach :-). But that is down the line.
And some other confusion - people and NYC. I guess I keep having these contradicting feelings. I really am lonely and want to reach out to people. And the people that are there saying "pick me, pick me", I end up shying away from. I know part of it is fear. Part of it is knowing they aren't right. So I need people, and I shy away from them. And I miss Austin terribly, but walking around this city this weekend I realized that I LOVE it, that I'm going to miss it. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to move here. It's really hard here ALL the time. I have a love/hate relationship with this place, and my love and hate for it both grow daily :-). It's frustrating and impersonal and dirty and you have to laboriously do everything, and there's too much going on (gluttony). But then again, everything is so accessible, and the parks are wonderful and the food is fantastic, and I love the variety and how people aren't afraid to be themselves, and I love the sunsets on the water, and gazing at the Empire State Building and seeing the city lights at night. So that's me - filled with contrary emotions :-). Yippee.
Ok, so after that dump - now I'll tell you about my weekend! Thursday I was supposed to go to dinner with my Princeton friend Sharon and she cancelled last minute and I was super bummed. At least I know she has no intentions when we go to dinner, unlike certain male friends. But anyway, so I convinced Ramon (carpool guy) to go get a beer with me. We went to an awesome local bar and got 2 Hefeweisens. Very tasty, and good ambiance! He's a really nice guy - I feel like he's a good friend how that we talk close to 2 hours per day. But yeah - 2 beers after working out and not eating since lunch - fun. Then I decided I wanted to see an artsy movie that Ramon and Sharon had recommended earlier that day, so I ran to catch it at the neat Angelika theater. It was called "2 Days in Paris". It was about a relationship that had been going 2 years, and the couple went to Paris for 2 days and it fell apart - almost. In the end they stayed together. It was sorta sad for me, but well done. Then I grabbed garlic knots and a mozzarella slice of pizza on the way home - food is always better late at night when you are hungry :-).
Friday I stayed home - couldn't make myself get up early or exercise. Boo. But I ended up at a neat cafe with Wifi on Hudson - had a panini that was tasty. But it had no plugs, so I had to leave and go to my favorite coffee shop on Charles. It's so cute! And friendly - I know the person that works there :-). So I worked from there - ate too many snacks, and enjoyed myself. Ate a great slice of pumpkin bread with chunks of apple in it that they were experimenting with! Love warm bread :-). Then went home and took off to go to Negril which I'd wanted to check out - a Jamaican restaurant! I have been craving jerk chicken since I left Jamaica, so I got some :-). Unfortunately they were out of calaloo. It was tasty, but not as tasty as I had on island :-). Then went to meet softball guy (Mo) at his friend's birthday party. I felt very cool because my name had to be on a list at this club to get into their private room which they had rented out - with unlimited drinks! And they brought cake and had some appetizers! Holy cow. That was way nicer than the rest of the crowded club. Although I wandered around once and the music was better elsewhere. I really had fun hanging out with Mo's friends! The girls are really nice and we bonded and danced a bit and just had fun. Left later than I intended - got home at 4am! Well, it's hard here when last call isn't until then :-).
So Saturday got up and went for a run along the water. It was really nice - crisp cool morning (late morning) with bright sunshine. Very nice running weather. It's totally fall here, btw. 50s in the morning, 60s during the day. And I kinda like it! Got dressed, and went to meet my friend that last minute came to visit this weekend from Austin! Sorta dropped on my doorstep and said "entertain me". Also he sorta liked me which I felt put me in a weird spot a bit - although I told him he couldn't stay with me (my roommate is Nazi about it). But we hung out for Sat and Sun and had fun. I showed him the awesome view of the city, NJ, the statue of liberty and the Empire State Building I had discovered at the end of the pier near my house which is really cool. Then we grabbed a brunch-like lunch, and headed down to Battery Park where a culture fest was going on. It was mostly booths talking about upcoming events in the arts, theater, museums and such, but it was fun. We sat and listened to a jazz orchestra for awhile. Then we walked up town (past touristy spots of course - can't get away from it), and got tickets to an off-Broadway play Ramon recommended! It was awesome - a 1-man show called "Tings Dey Happen" about the oil politics in Nigeria. I knew nothing about it, but it was really intelligent and I learned a lot - it was sad. This guy got a Fullbright Scholarship to go study the situation there for a year, and he played all these characters - conglomerations of people he met there. He did fabulously and it was great - he was great at different voices and personalities, and even had comic relief. The Nigerians that spoke pidgin were hard to understand :-). So that was really fun. Before my friend and I actually grabbed a small dinner at an Italian place in Little Italy - Bruschetta and risotto. Then we wandered to the East Side because friend wanted dessert and the only thing I could think of was the Chocolate Cafe that I had gone to over there. Despite them being super-slow, it was very tasty - a warm chocolate cake that oozed when you cut into it. Then we headed back to the west side and hit up the local bar that Ramon showed me again. It was way more crowded, but still fun. So that was the end of the night and my friend went to his hotel!
Marathon entry... So Sunday I told him I really needed to sleep in. I hadn't been getting enough sleep... Do I ever? So I didn't get up until 11:40 :-). Finally headed out and met up with my friend, and then we went to brunch again. Got a nice omelette with spinach and feta, plus toast, a coffee and a mimosa all for $11.50! Great in NY! Then we headed up to the Natural History Museum because that's what my friend wanted to do. I'd been there, but going back in detail over the "Origin of Humans" and "Meteorite" exhibits was fun. Then we got tickets to the "Mystical Creatures" exhibit which I had really wanted to see. It was great! It wasn't big, but I spent almost an hour in there reading about the sea, land, air, and dragon creatures. Some signs talked about the myths (from different parts of the world) and how they came about and why sometimes. It was great learning about mermaids, sea monsters, griffins, cyclops (actually probably based on an elephant skull with a hole in the middle for the trunk), unicorns, dragons, pegasus, etc. They even had chupacabra :-). I eat that stuff up - have always loved myths and stories :-). So that was fun. Then my friend and I wandered through Central Park and ended up at the Boathouse next to the water with a glass of wine. Very chill and nice. Then we went to a Persian restaurant (thought of you Negin!) on the east side I'd been wanting to try. This obsession of mine with trying every different kind of food possible is actually comical. But got some fabulous rack of lamb. My eggplant puree actually wasn't that good, but the sour cherry rice was pretty interesting. So, good times. And afterwards my friend was like "what now". I'm like "It's close to 10 on a school night - I'm going home!". So he had a flight out at 7am and decided just to take the subway out to the airport and sleep there rather than pay for a hotel room! Crazy, but said goodbye to him. It was nice to see a friend back from Austin, but as I say a bit awkward. But nice to talk with someone and hang out and have someone to go to dinner with :-).
So I had an exhausting weekend! But I made it. I chilled last night and made fish at home. I wanted to go to bed early, but talk with Naveen made that not happen. But it was actually a really nice talk. I guess I like that he knows me so well, and that ease of talking to each other.... So life is weird, but I'm just floating. Wish that equaled no stress! Feel like a whirlwind.
I went on a bike ride today after work and I love that I just easily biked by the World Trade Center sight, the Statue of Liberty, and the Empire State Building. Fun views. But biking on the streets is very scary. And I stopped to look at 2 potential places to live in November on the bike home. Both actually nice - will have to decide but I don't feel like blogging about them now. Seeing another tomorrow night. Crazy life! And I leave for the conference in Montreal early Saturday morning! No rest for the weary.
Ok I better sign off - laundry is almost done. Sorry it's so long. Have a good week!
So I can't tell you all the crazy things going on in my life! Well, I'll try, but so much goes through my head, and so much is discussed with other people, it's hard to keep up :-). But yes - I'm totally confused in my life. But I feel like that's ok. Right now I don't want to make big decisions, or know what I'm doing. I just want to float. That's unlike me, but I'm ok with it :-). Maybe it's a reaction to my life, my stress. My friend this weekend said major stress is proportional to the big life changes going on in your life - and I'm experiencing several now. Moving, career crisis, and relationship ending. It's all up in the air. I wish I could let myself relax, let it all go. Why do I continually stop myself? Why do I have such restraint, such conscience, such a compass, and such fear? Well, it makes me me, and I'm going to trust my instincts right now. It's what I got.
But let me just reassure again - I'm ok. I had a hard day Friday. I learned of major life events of my friends back in Austin (engagement, pregnancy) and it actually quite depressed me. Partially because I am not there to be a part of their news, and partly because my peers are moving ahead in their personal lives and I am not necessarily. I know I can't compare myself to anyone, but there's still some weird feelings there. I want to be the one getting engaged. But I really do want it to be with the right person.... So se la vie. And part of my Friday woes were feeling like real friends weren't around to talk to. I just needed to reach out to someone, talk... I'm better now :-).
And as much as I complain my butt off about grad school - I realized talking to Naveen last night (yes, I went to him as a reach out person) that I have a big complex about Comp Sci. Sure, the culture could not jive with my personality, but a lot of disappointment is in my head, and wrapped up with my expectations. And actually with a lot of Naveen's expectations of himself in grad school which I can never live up to. Given - he didn't expect me to, but I still felt all his opinions on passion and sacrificing for the PhD every day. So anyway. I need to work through that, and some anger. Lots of confusion. But I'm hopeful. I really want my research to work out, and I really want to stay in grad school. Sure maybe I don't want to research when I get out - I really love to teach :-). But that is down the line.
And some other confusion - people and NYC. I guess I keep having these contradicting feelings. I really am lonely and want to reach out to people. And the people that are there saying "pick me, pick me", I end up shying away from. I know part of it is fear. Part of it is knowing they aren't right. So I need people, and I shy away from them. And I miss Austin terribly, but walking around this city this weekend I realized that I LOVE it, that I'm going to miss it. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to move here. It's really hard here ALL the time. I have a love/hate relationship with this place, and my love and hate for it both grow daily :-). It's frustrating and impersonal and dirty and you have to laboriously do everything, and there's too much going on (gluttony). But then again, everything is so accessible, and the parks are wonderful and the food is fantastic, and I love the variety and how people aren't afraid to be themselves, and I love the sunsets on the water, and gazing at the Empire State Building and seeing the city lights at night. So that's me - filled with contrary emotions :-). Yippee.
Ok, so after that dump - now I'll tell you about my weekend! Thursday I was supposed to go to dinner with my Princeton friend Sharon and she cancelled last minute and I was super bummed. At least I know she has no intentions when we go to dinner, unlike certain male friends. But anyway, so I convinced Ramon (carpool guy) to go get a beer with me. We went to an awesome local bar and got 2 Hefeweisens. Very tasty, and good ambiance! He's a really nice guy - I feel like he's a good friend how that we talk close to 2 hours per day. But yeah - 2 beers after working out and not eating since lunch - fun. Then I decided I wanted to see an artsy movie that Ramon and Sharon had recommended earlier that day, so I ran to catch it at the neat Angelika theater. It was called "2 Days in Paris". It was about a relationship that had been going 2 years, and the couple went to Paris for 2 days and it fell apart - almost. In the end they stayed together. It was sorta sad for me, but well done. Then I grabbed garlic knots and a mozzarella slice of pizza on the way home - food is always better late at night when you are hungry :-).
Friday I stayed home - couldn't make myself get up early or exercise. Boo. But I ended up at a neat cafe with Wifi on Hudson - had a panini that was tasty. But it had no plugs, so I had to leave and go to my favorite coffee shop on Charles. It's so cute! And friendly - I know the person that works there :-). So I worked from there - ate too many snacks, and enjoyed myself. Ate a great slice of pumpkin bread with chunks of apple in it that they were experimenting with! Love warm bread :-). Then went home and took off to go to Negril which I'd wanted to check out - a Jamaican restaurant! I have been craving jerk chicken since I left Jamaica, so I got some :-). Unfortunately they were out of calaloo. It was tasty, but not as tasty as I had on island :-). Then went to meet softball guy (Mo) at his friend's birthday party. I felt very cool because my name had to be on a list at this club to get into their private room which they had rented out - with unlimited drinks! And they brought cake and had some appetizers! Holy cow. That was way nicer than the rest of the crowded club. Although I wandered around once and the music was better elsewhere. I really had fun hanging out with Mo's friends! The girls are really nice and we bonded and danced a bit and just had fun. Left later than I intended - got home at 4am! Well, it's hard here when last call isn't until then :-).
So Saturday got up and went for a run along the water. It was really nice - crisp cool morning (late morning) with bright sunshine. Very nice running weather. It's totally fall here, btw. 50s in the morning, 60s during the day. And I kinda like it! Got dressed, and went to meet my friend that last minute came to visit this weekend from Austin! Sorta dropped on my doorstep and said "entertain me". Also he sorta liked me which I felt put me in a weird spot a bit - although I told him he couldn't stay with me (my roommate is Nazi about it). But we hung out for Sat and Sun and had fun. I showed him the awesome view of the city, NJ, the statue of liberty and the Empire State Building I had discovered at the end of the pier near my house which is really cool. Then we grabbed a brunch-like lunch, and headed down to Battery Park where a culture fest was going on. It was mostly booths talking about upcoming events in the arts, theater, museums and such, but it was fun. We sat and listened to a jazz orchestra for awhile. Then we walked up town (past touristy spots of course - can't get away from it), and got tickets to an off-Broadway play Ramon recommended! It was awesome - a 1-man show called "Tings Dey Happen" about the oil politics in Nigeria. I knew nothing about it, but it was really intelligent and I learned a lot - it was sad. This guy got a Fullbright Scholarship to go study the situation there for a year, and he played all these characters - conglomerations of people he met there. He did fabulously and it was great - he was great at different voices and personalities, and even had comic relief. The Nigerians that spoke pidgin were hard to understand :-). So that was really fun. Before my friend and I actually grabbed a small dinner at an Italian place in Little Italy - Bruschetta and risotto. Then we wandered to the East Side because friend wanted dessert and the only thing I could think of was the Chocolate Cafe that I had gone to over there. Despite them being super-slow, it was very tasty - a warm chocolate cake that oozed when you cut into it. Then we headed back to the west side and hit up the local bar that Ramon showed me again. It was way more crowded, but still fun. So that was the end of the night and my friend went to his hotel!
Marathon entry... So Sunday I told him I really needed to sleep in. I hadn't been getting enough sleep... Do I ever? So I didn't get up until 11:40 :-). Finally headed out and met up with my friend, and then we went to brunch again. Got a nice omelette with spinach and feta, plus toast, a coffee and a mimosa all for $11.50! Great in NY! Then we headed up to the Natural History Museum because that's what my friend wanted to do. I'd been there, but going back in detail over the "Origin of Humans" and "Meteorite" exhibits was fun. Then we got tickets to the "Mystical Creatures" exhibit which I had really wanted to see. It was great! It wasn't big, but I spent almost an hour in there reading about the sea, land, air, and dragon creatures. Some signs talked about the myths (from different parts of the world) and how they came about and why sometimes. It was great learning about mermaids, sea monsters, griffins, cyclops (actually probably based on an elephant skull with a hole in the middle for the trunk), unicorns, dragons, pegasus, etc. They even had chupacabra :-). I eat that stuff up - have always loved myths and stories :-). So that was fun. Then my friend and I wandered through Central Park and ended up at the Boathouse next to the water with a glass of wine. Very chill and nice. Then we went to a Persian restaurant (thought of you Negin!) on the east side I'd been wanting to try. This obsession of mine with trying every different kind of food possible is actually comical. But got some fabulous rack of lamb. My eggplant puree actually wasn't that good, but the sour cherry rice was pretty interesting. So, good times. And afterwards my friend was like "what now". I'm like "It's close to 10 on a school night - I'm going home!". So he had a flight out at 7am and decided just to take the subway out to the airport and sleep there rather than pay for a hotel room! Crazy, but said goodbye to him. It was nice to see a friend back from Austin, but as I say a bit awkward. But nice to talk with someone and hang out and have someone to go to dinner with :-).
So I had an exhausting weekend! But I made it. I chilled last night and made fish at home. I wanted to go to bed early, but talk with Naveen made that not happen. But it was actually a really nice talk. I guess I like that he knows me so well, and that ease of talking to each other.... So life is weird, but I'm just floating. Wish that equaled no stress! Feel like a whirlwind.
I went on a bike ride today after work and I love that I just easily biked by the World Trade Center sight, the Statue of Liberty, and the Empire State Building. Fun views. But biking on the streets is very scary. And I stopped to look at 2 potential places to live in November on the bike home. Both actually nice - will have to decide but I don't feel like blogging about them now. Seeing another tomorrow night. Crazy life! And I leave for the conference in Montreal early Saturday morning! No rest for the weary.
Ok I better sign off - laundry is almost done. Sorry it's so long. Have a good week!
Friday, October 12, 2007
Hard time
So, ok, here's the problem. I have a hard time letting people in. I'm guarded. Very guarded. I'm usually other people's support. I give good advice, I am a good listener. I can be the voice of reason. I'm rational, pretty much. It's like when I taught tennis - I could see other people's flaws way easier than my own. So I try to help people. And I sort of brush people off when they ask how I'm doing. I answer, but I don't want to lean on people too much. It's too much to ask, really. I can give them a tidbit of what I'm feeling, but laugh it off. Yeah - things are fine. Research is slow, I miss Austin. NYC is exciting. All these things are true, but they aren't deep, you see. They aren't how I'm actually doing. Well, they are, but only at the surface. Why am I still scared to break down to people, to ask for help?
I was talking to my carpool guy (Ramon) yesterday about his home, the Dominican Republic. Similar to some of the Indian cultural things - he said family is everything. There, he said, there is no way you have a room or even bed to yourself if you have any family members the same sex as you. Whereas here, kids are given their own room to encourage their individuality, their growth, their space. But he said family will always be closer than friends. To me family is everything. Ok, I didn't share a bedroom while growing up. But the people that I consider myself tightest with are family members and my significant other. They are the people who should be there with me through thick and thin, who will accept me even if they see me at my worst. I don't really expect the same of my friends - don't know why. They have their own problems and issues - why should I burden them with mine? I will burden them some - with some shared experience (like grad school or whatever), but not as much as I expect of family and my significant other. I don't know if this is weird - I've been told I should put more into my friends. And I've been trying, but it's hard. I shy away quickly if someone says they have to go, or if I haven't talked to them in awhile, or if they start talking about themselves. I don't know if part of it is that I don't like the phone much. But yeah.
So that's why it's hard up here. I don't have people I feel really safe with. I have some superficial friendships. And I'm scared to dump on people too much or worry them. I try to deal with things, and things have to be taken with a grain of salt because I am quite up and down. I think really I'm bi-polar, but not an extreme case of it. All this seems slightly ironic given my recent discovery that what makes me happiest is people - close, shared experiences. I really enjoy people an their variety. I want to help people - that's why I like teaching. And people are interesting to figure out, and ever-changing, many dimensional. Ah, life is crazy. Still so much to figure out.
And btw - it's 56 degrees here! Very exciting. Hope I don't freeze and shatter!
So here I go - on with life's experience. G'day.
I was talking to my carpool guy (Ramon) yesterday about his home, the Dominican Republic. Similar to some of the Indian cultural things - he said family is everything. There, he said, there is no way you have a room or even bed to yourself if you have any family members the same sex as you. Whereas here, kids are given their own room to encourage their individuality, their growth, their space. But he said family will always be closer than friends. To me family is everything. Ok, I didn't share a bedroom while growing up. But the people that I consider myself tightest with are family members and my significant other. They are the people who should be there with me through thick and thin, who will accept me even if they see me at my worst. I don't really expect the same of my friends - don't know why. They have their own problems and issues - why should I burden them with mine? I will burden them some - with some shared experience (like grad school or whatever), but not as much as I expect of family and my significant other. I don't know if this is weird - I've been told I should put more into my friends. And I've been trying, but it's hard. I shy away quickly if someone says they have to go, or if I haven't talked to them in awhile, or if they start talking about themselves. I don't know if part of it is that I don't like the phone much. But yeah.
So that's why it's hard up here. I don't have people I feel really safe with. I have some superficial friendships. And I'm scared to dump on people too much or worry them. I try to deal with things, and things have to be taken with a grain of salt because I am quite up and down. I think really I'm bi-polar, but not an extreme case of it. All this seems slightly ironic given my recent discovery that what makes me happiest is people - close, shared experiences. I really enjoy people an their variety. I want to help people - that's why I like teaching. And people are interesting to figure out, and ever-changing, many dimensional. Ah, life is crazy. Still so much to figure out.
And btw - it's 56 degrees here! Very exciting. Hope I don't freeze and shatter!
So here I go - on with life's experience. G'day.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Finally Fall
I don't feel like being productive right now, so I'll write in my blog. It's a gray, rainy day, and cooler. It dropped to the 60s yesterday - 20 degrees cooler than Monday. Welcome fall :-). I love the heat, but I have to say the fall, changing colors, and being cosily wrapped up appeals to me right now. Maybe I'm sick of my short-sleeved clothes. But here we are.
I'm happy today. Yes, I'm up and down - don't know how to get away from that. But I have been in contact with some older friends lately and that just makes me happy. Neat to get re-united with Holly who I was raised with before age 8? She has a blog here, too, and she lives in Connecticut and hopefully we'll meet up! Also 27 and single, so we can bond over that :-). Just that little reach out made me happy. And a couple of other things.
Monday was fun. I determined this week would be a lot more low-key - life's been too frazzled lately. And it has been more low-key - yippee. Although I did go out Monday night, but I ate at home which makes me feel better. Went with my roommate to a film festival film called "Flight of the Red Ballon" with Juliet Binochet! Set in Paris, sorta linked to the children's story if you know it. Artsy, so slow at parts, but good acting, good (sad) story. Felt nice to go. It was in the Time Warner building in Columbus Circle which is fabulous - nice theater! And nice to go with someone - my roommate and I are becoming friends. Although she's so particular about things at home. I get the feeling she follows me around and re-does everything her way after I leave. But just a feeling.
Trying to get more sleep this week, too. And yesterday especially I succeeded. After finishing Harry Potter! Well, I have yet to read the epilogue, but I got to the end of the story. Ah, and a good story it was. I read so slow towards the end - I hate to finish books because it means the end of the story, end of characters I'm attached to! Sniff. Go Harry.
But also yesterday I rode my bike. Always on Tuesdays. Altho this was after the drop in temperature and it was windy along the Hudson River track, and sprinkling. Tough ride, but I made it. Went from my now-home back up to my old neighborhood- up to 100th! Proud of myself. Still doing exercise about 6 times a week. But happily yesterday I was home before 6:30 (from my ride) and had the whole night to just relax at home! I did 2.5 hours of work - good for me. And made another good dinner. Just felt more at peace, which I needed. Hopefully can do that again tonight!
I was thinking lately that I feel like Neo. Before following the white rabbit, before Trinity, before taking the red pill. Woah - that makes me Keanu - scary. But anyway - still discovering my true destiny, my purpose, still gray but ready to awaken. And I especially like this analogy because he was strongly attached, they said, not to humanity per se, but to 1 other human. But he had to discover that over time. Eventually...
People are important - they really make my life full so to speak. And I miss people. Having experiences is wonderful, but singular experiences still lack a certain shared essence. But I'm particular about my people. Who knew there are so many crazy people out there? Maybe it's just this city...
Ok enough rambling. Enjoy your week.
I'm happy today. Yes, I'm up and down - don't know how to get away from that. But I have been in contact with some older friends lately and that just makes me happy. Neat to get re-united with Holly who I was raised with before age 8? She has a blog here, too, and she lives in Connecticut and hopefully we'll meet up! Also 27 and single, so we can bond over that :-). Just that little reach out made me happy. And a couple of other things.
Monday was fun. I determined this week would be a lot more low-key - life's been too frazzled lately. And it has been more low-key - yippee. Although I did go out Monday night, but I ate at home which makes me feel better. Went with my roommate to a film festival film called "Flight of the Red Ballon" with Juliet Binochet! Set in Paris, sorta linked to the children's story if you know it. Artsy, so slow at parts, but good acting, good (sad) story. Felt nice to go. It was in the Time Warner building in Columbus Circle which is fabulous - nice theater! And nice to go with someone - my roommate and I are becoming friends. Although she's so particular about things at home. I get the feeling she follows me around and re-does everything her way after I leave. But just a feeling.
Trying to get more sleep this week, too. And yesterday especially I succeeded. After finishing Harry Potter! Well, I have yet to read the epilogue, but I got to the end of the story. Ah, and a good story it was. I read so slow towards the end - I hate to finish books because it means the end of the story, end of characters I'm attached to! Sniff. Go Harry.
But also yesterday I rode my bike. Always on Tuesdays. Altho this was after the drop in temperature and it was windy along the Hudson River track, and sprinkling. Tough ride, but I made it. Went from my now-home back up to my old neighborhood- up to 100th! Proud of myself. Still doing exercise about 6 times a week. But happily yesterday I was home before 6:30 (from my ride) and had the whole night to just relax at home! I did 2.5 hours of work - good for me. And made another good dinner. Just felt more at peace, which I needed. Hopefully can do that again tonight!
I was thinking lately that I feel like Neo. Before following the white rabbit, before Trinity, before taking the red pill. Woah - that makes me Keanu - scary. But anyway - still discovering my true destiny, my purpose, still gray but ready to awaken. And I especially like this analogy because he was strongly attached, they said, not to humanity per se, but to 1 other human. But he had to discover that over time. Eventually...
People are important - they really make my life full so to speak. And I miss people. Having experiences is wonderful, but singular experiences still lack a certain shared essence. But I'm particular about my people. Who knew there are so many crazy people out there? Maybe it's just this city...
Ok enough rambling. Enjoy your week.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Theater Week + Village exploits
A lot has happened this week! Crazy...
So Monday I moved to the West Village! The moving itself was no fun - ugh. Had to pack up all my stuff - took 2 boxes to UPS to mail back to myself (I'm in a lot smaller place) in Austin. I rode my bike down to my new place - a little less than 6 miles. That would've been no problem, but I decided to bring a couple of bags of my stuff to ease the real move later. BAD idea! Let me tell you now - never carry any weight in garbage bags while biking any sort of distance. I have bruises all over my arms, and the bag straps broke and I had to go very slow, and the bags got holes while swinging around and hitting my tire and such. I thought they'd just break open at any moment. It was a pain! So -word to the wise - never do that :-). And I just had hangers, some food I didn't want to toss, and laundry detergent! But the rest of the move was pretty smooth. Got my suitcases all packed and everything fit. Had help carrying my stuff down in the old place - the next renters were seeing the place as I left. I was sorta mad I couldn't say bye to the place by myself, but that's how it goes. It's in the past. Then I just took a car down here with my suitcases, and a handyman actually helped me up with my suitcases, as did my new roommate! So awesome :-). So that night I unpacked - I really just wanted to be settled in. And I got everything to fit in my limited space - I like my cosy room. I like my bunk bed and the darkness of the room - I think I sleep better here, but the bed creaks and I literally have to climb to get up there - and step on the dresser. It's annoying if I wake up and have to use the restroom! But oh well... But the room is cosy - just what I need. And I really like my new roommate Paulette. We are getting along famously! She works from home so it feels like she is ALWAYS here (she's a notary public). But she is cool - she makes tons of good recommendations of things going on, ways to get discounts to theater tickets. And she spent hours on the phone with tech support to help get the internet set up for me - that was a nightmare. But it's all ok! So yay for my new place. That first night Paulette fed me green beans and homemade vegie meatloaf she had made - very cool!
So I went to work on Tuesday - it is a bit of a longer ride from down here, but it works. Tuesdays my carpool guy comes home early to go sailing, so I got to go on a nice bike ride in the area! My roommate recommended her route - going across town on 10th St. to the East River. There are some beautiful views of the water, bridges, and buildings on that trail on the east. Then I biked down to the tip - past South Seaport. It was fun, although the trail isn't as good as on the west. Then of course I came back up the west path along the Hudson. It was really fun, and a pretty good ride! Although I get frustrated riding on the streets and having to stop all the time. So nice to have a new route. Then I ended up walking around the neighborhood - love it! Walked down Bleecker street where there are tons of cool places. Tons of gourmet stores - teas, ice cream, olives, wines, cheese, breads. Yum! I stopped at a place for a slice of pizza that my carpool guy said was in the best in the neighborhood. It was pretty good, but I burned my mouth... Then stopped for yummy gelato (also recommended by my carpool guy) on the way home. Got eggnog and spicy chocolate :-). Then walked down Hudson - got a few things at a store, and passed all the cool restaurants and bars. Too tempting! Then headed home.
Wednesday was a semi-day off. I stayed home and ran up the west river track. Running outside is a lot harder than on a machine in a gym! But I made it - did my 5K. And it was beautiful. To cool down I walked along the pier at the end of my street. Very fun. Then I got ready and went to a really cute coffee shop just a couple of streets up with free wifi! It's small, but cute, and friendly, and the tables are sections of tree trunk :-). So was glad to find that. Then buzzed off to meet Christine and friends Ryan and Amy! We went to a quick lunch - they grabbed pizza slices and I got an eggplant parmigiana hero sandwich which was cheesy, but cool. It was fun to get to know Christine's friends - they are cool nerds, too - and sporty! We had fun conversations about work spouses too :-). And then we went to Wicked - the musical! We'd been looking forward to this for awhile. I read the book recently and the story - Wizard of Oz from the Wicked Witch's point of view - was really cool. The musical was amazing! Very extravagant - in scenery, props, costumes - all very excessive! And the songs were very nice. It was a sort of fantastical story with flying monkeys and stuff, so sometimes it seemed a little over the top to me, and Christine was a bit disappointed with the voices of the 2 main women. But overall it was a very fun story and a great show! Very fun :-). And although it was different from the book, parts were better :-). Glad to see it! And we had really close seats too. So that was cool. So we jumped on a subway after and went out to Brooklyn! Christine knew an authentic Lebanese restaurant that her dad had brought her to before (he's Lebanese). She was so happy - she said everything tasted like her grandmother's cooking! She told us what to get - the pate was a specialty, but not quite my favorite. I loved the spinach pies, and the roasted pepper and walnut spread was pretty good. Then I had Kibbi balls in yogurt for the meal - very tasty, and with lamb and pine nuts! Yum. And we got a sample of a sweet dessert with phyllo dough - very nice round off to the meal! So we had a lot of fun, and rushed back to the city so they could make their train back to Maryland. I wish they could've stayed longer - we had a lot of fun! I might try to visit them down there before I go back to Austin... Good theater and good food - can't be beat.
We played with the internet Wednesday night for 2.5 hours - ugh. Couldn't get the router I bought to work, but it turned out to be a falty ethernet port on the modem. Ugh - hate dealing with these things! Take so long... But we ordered a new modem from the ISP and finally finally got internet working on Friday - yay! Pain in my butt.
Thursday was another day at work... Not much went on. When I got home I walked around the area more. Then ended up at another carpool recommended place - Mexicana Mama - really close to my place. It was so good - authentic Mexican food with some awesome cheese (chihuaua) and spices. I had a sort of creamy jalapeno salsa that was awesome - not too hot. And a blood orange margarita. And yummy mahi mahi fish tacos with a spicy sauce :-). So good! And then I treated myself to a flan dessert - don't worry, I took leftovers! But their flan was thicker - sorta like cheesecake, and they put a sort of caramel on it and mixed nuts - tasty. Another good night :-).
Friday I went to work again - although it's usually my stay at home day, I'd done that 2 days already this week. So had a good day at work, and left a bit early and took a bus down to the city. I really wanted tickets to a NY City Center "Fall for Dance" festival, and they were sold out by the time I called, but cancellation tickets were available the day of the performance starting at 6:30. So I got there about 5:20 and got tickets!! It's not much fun to wait, but it paid off - I got a great orchestra seat. Went home to drop stuff off, then came back for the performance. Oh my God it was amazing! And only for $10. All these different companies came together and each showcased a main piece of theirs. It was awesome. They all were very different styles and at different tempos. But fun! The first one was actually 8 guys from South India - reminded me of Naveen. It was odd - 1/2 of them did music while the other half did dancing, but they all wore suits. It was interesting - Indian style dancing, but modern, and an interpretation on the crazy business world as the guys lived out a day of work. Very cool. Then 1 black women did a dance - frenetic really - about the "sacred feminine". 1/2 of her costume was a suite, and 1/2 was a tube top - sort of a balance between fun and responsibility. Very cool. Piece #3 of 5 was very seductive - a couple with a lot of work on the floor and rolling over each other - intertwined. Then piece #4 was by the Boston Ballet - although I thought it'd be less modern because the women were ballerinas in tutus and the shoes, it actually was sorta dark and they had both traditional elements with the guys lifting up the women, and other elements where the people looked broken and put their arms at weird angles and stuff. Interesting piece. The last one was really energetic and fun! This group was from South Africa! There were guys that did tap, guys that stomped around and hit noise-making pads on their legs. They were always making a lot of noise and music and always high energy - jumping around. And through the performance they got less clothed which was really fun. A great finale to a great night! I'm so glad I got to see such a variety of dance! Made me very happy. Then I just grabbed a make-it-yourself salad from a deli and walked down to Rockefeller Center to eat it. That night it seemed the city was mine - beautiful and full of opportunity. They were filming at the Rockefeller Center - they had an ice rink up (tho it was 80 that day) and in the middle like a carpetted lounge area with leather couches where fancy people were hanging out! Very weird. But they played fun 80s skate music. Then I headed down to the E. Village to hang out with Mo - softball guy. He was hanging out with 2 friends from college - a couple - that were really nice. They live up in Westchester. They were fun to talk to, tho Mo was bummed about turning 30 (Sat was his bday). So we just went out for drinks. Mo knew the bartenders, so we got some nice treatment - had a great drink called "Chillin on my carpet" with Kahlua, Frangelico, and cream I think. Yum. Was fun, but I stayed too late and drank a little too much. But it was fun :-).
Saturday! See - big update... I slept in - didn't want to do anything. Finally got up and going out of the house around 2pm. Walked to Union Square - my favorite area. Went to a huge farmer's market that lifted my spirits - love fresh fruit and vegies! Then hit up a street festival in the area - bought some treasures! Bought a neat picture of New York City - midtown with the Empire State Building - one I liked Mom! It was neat - had a nice view from the water with city lights reflected. So yay! Hopefully my last souvenir. Then I got a neat glass teardrop necklace with a bunch of colors in it - I couldn't resist. And a neat Indian-influenced funky spaghetti strap top in browns and greens. Fun! I wore that shirt to go out later in the night for Mo's birthday! But yes, I kept going around Union Square - hit up Trader Joes which was fun, but there's only 1 in the city so lines were amazingly long. And finally, with all purchases in tow, I stopped at Filenne's Basement to find a sweater and tights to wear with the wool skirt I bought before. Success - after waiting in line to try everything on. Everything here is a line - too many people! Then I bussed home - very tired with all my stuff. I actually took a quick nap. Then headed out - in my awesome brown boots that I bought in Boston, and of course my new shirt, to the East side. I ate as Veselka - a well-established Ukranian famous retaurant. I did a sample-dinner: tasty borscht, salad, then meat-stuffed cabbage, pierogies, and kielbasa sausage. Yum! Nice to eat ethnic food - at least I love it. Then joined Mo and company celebrating his birthday at bars across from his place! Met a lot of his friends - they were all really nice, and most from around here. It was nice to hang out and chat with fun people - got a couple of invites to hang out again. All good people, but it made me miss MY old friends, and feel a bit out of place. Sometimes you just get tired of putting yourself out there all the time - being the gregarious one! Trying everything new... But had fun - chatted with Mo's cousin too who is nice. Left a bit earlier than the night before because I wasn't into drinking much 2 nights in a row! But it was also neat to tell people my story, and have them be really impressed with me moving out to NY by myself just for the experience! It's not always an easy city :-).
Which brings us to today. I gotta stop doing things, because there's too much to blog about! I got up early - when am I going to sleep?! I went on a bike ride which was fun. Turns out the east river track doesn't go all the way up and it was sorta a pain. But cut across central park which was pretty as always. Nice to bike and exercise. Then came home, showered quickly to get ready to go to an Off Broadway show my roommate recommended - this was the last day of some 2 week theater festival. I saw Jane Austen's Emma performed on stage in a musical. Totally neat! Awesome story - classic of course. I wasn't sure how it'd be in a musical, but they did a really good job. And it was fun in a small theater to be so close to the stage. The actors did a good job. Sometimes were pretty funny and cheeky, but all in all a great story to get lost in. Ah, romance. Sigh. So left to a beautiful day - we've had more summer days lately. Walked around a bit, then headed to East Village again. I heard about a good authentic German restaurant celebrating Oktoberfest, so I wanted to go. And they had a band and everything - with an accordian, basson, trumpet, and french horn! And roudy beer drinkers who cheersed and swayed and sang along. It was crowded and I had to wait to even get inside. But I had a small stein of Hoffbrau beer in the spirit, and a Bavarian pretzel. :-). Then got bratwurst with potato salad and sauerkraut to go for dinner. I had fun, but felt weird being there in a rowdy crowded place by myself. Think it would've been better with other people. :-(. But yeah - so headed home and ate tasty German food there. Nice to be home and relax. And talked to my roommate - we might go to the New York Film Festival tomorrow! Fun. Hit the grocery store quickly to have lunch for tomorrow, and just been relaxing the rest of the night. And now I'm ready to go sleep!
Good weekend (and week!), but yet again, I feel tired by all my activities and feel I should take some down time. Hopefully I can this week. I try to do everything - maybe to make life exciting and new, but maybe sometimes life can be slow and boring! We'll see :-). Just feel I should take advantage of this amazing city and all I can while I'm here... Fun Fun - and so much going on!
Love to all... J
So Monday I moved to the West Village! The moving itself was no fun - ugh. Had to pack up all my stuff - took 2 boxes to UPS to mail back to myself (I'm in a lot smaller place) in Austin. I rode my bike down to my new place - a little less than 6 miles. That would've been no problem, but I decided to bring a couple of bags of my stuff to ease the real move later. BAD idea! Let me tell you now - never carry any weight in garbage bags while biking any sort of distance. I have bruises all over my arms, and the bag straps broke and I had to go very slow, and the bags got holes while swinging around and hitting my tire and such. I thought they'd just break open at any moment. It was a pain! So -word to the wise - never do that :-). And I just had hangers, some food I didn't want to toss, and laundry detergent! But the rest of the move was pretty smooth. Got my suitcases all packed and everything fit. Had help carrying my stuff down in the old place - the next renters were seeing the place as I left. I was sorta mad I couldn't say bye to the place by myself, but that's how it goes. It's in the past. Then I just took a car down here with my suitcases, and a handyman actually helped me up with my suitcases, as did my new roommate! So awesome :-). So that night I unpacked - I really just wanted to be settled in. And I got everything to fit in my limited space - I like my cosy room. I like my bunk bed and the darkness of the room - I think I sleep better here, but the bed creaks and I literally have to climb to get up there - and step on the dresser. It's annoying if I wake up and have to use the restroom! But oh well... But the room is cosy - just what I need. And I really like my new roommate Paulette. We are getting along famously! She works from home so it feels like she is ALWAYS here (she's a notary public). But she is cool - she makes tons of good recommendations of things going on, ways to get discounts to theater tickets. And she spent hours on the phone with tech support to help get the internet set up for me - that was a nightmare. But it's all ok! So yay for my new place. That first night Paulette fed me green beans and homemade vegie meatloaf she had made - very cool!
So I went to work on Tuesday - it is a bit of a longer ride from down here, but it works. Tuesdays my carpool guy comes home early to go sailing, so I got to go on a nice bike ride in the area! My roommate recommended her route - going across town on 10th St. to the East River. There are some beautiful views of the water, bridges, and buildings on that trail on the east. Then I biked down to the tip - past South Seaport. It was fun, although the trail isn't as good as on the west. Then of course I came back up the west path along the Hudson. It was really fun, and a pretty good ride! Although I get frustrated riding on the streets and having to stop all the time. So nice to have a new route. Then I ended up walking around the neighborhood - love it! Walked down Bleecker street where there are tons of cool places. Tons of gourmet stores - teas, ice cream, olives, wines, cheese, breads. Yum! I stopped at a place for a slice of pizza that my carpool guy said was in the best in the neighborhood. It was pretty good, but I burned my mouth... Then stopped for yummy gelato (also recommended by my carpool guy) on the way home. Got eggnog and spicy chocolate :-). Then walked down Hudson - got a few things at a store, and passed all the cool restaurants and bars. Too tempting! Then headed home.
Wednesday was a semi-day off. I stayed home and ran up the west river track. Running outside is a lot harder than on a machine in a gym! But I made it - did my 5K. And it was beautiful. To cool down I walked along the pier at the end of my street. Very fun. Then I got ready and went to a really cute coffee shop just a couple of streets up with free wifi! It's small, but cute, and friendly, and the tables are sections of tree trunk :-). So was glad to find that. Then buzzed off to meet Christine and friends Ryan and Amy! We went to a quick lunch - they grabbed pizza slices and I got an eggplant parmigiana hero sandwich which was cheesy, but cool. It was fun to get to know Christine's friends - they are cool nerds, too - and sporty! We had fun conversations about work spouses too :-). And then we went to Wicked - the musical! We'd been looking forward to this for awhile. I read the book recently and the story - Wizard of Oz from the Wicked Witch's point of view - was really cool. The musical was amazing! Very extravagant - in scenery, props, costumes - all very excessive! And the songs were very nice. It was a sort of fantastical story with flying monkeys and stuff, so sometimes it seemed a little over the top to me, and Christine was a bit disappointed with the voices of the 2 main women. But overall it was a very fun story and a great show! Very fun :-). And although it was different from the book, parts were better :-). Glad to see it! And we had really close seats too. So that was cool. So we jumped on a subway after and went out to Brooklyn! Christine knew an authentic Lebanese restaurant that her dad had brought her to before (he's Lebanese). She was so happy - she said everything tasted like her grandmother's cooking! She told us what to get - the pate was a specialty, but not quite my favorite. I loved the spinach pies, and the roasted pepper and walnut spread was pretty good. Then I had Kibbi balls in yogurt for the meal - very tasty, and with lamb and pine nuts! Yum. And we got a sample of a sweet dessert with phyllo dough - very nice round off to the meal! So we had a lot of fun, and rushed back to the city so they could make their train back to Maryland. I wish they could've stayed longer - we had a lot of fun! I might try to visit them down there before I go back to Austin... Good theater and good food - can't be beat.
We played with the internet Wednesday night for 2.5 hours - ugh. Couldn't get the router I bought to work, but it turned out to be a falty ethernet port on the modem. Ugh - hate dealing with these things! Take so long... But we ordered a new modem from the ISP and finally finally got internet working on Friday - yay! Pain in my butt.
Thursday was another day at work... Not much went on. When I got home I walked around the area more. Then ended up at another carpool recommended place - Mexicana Mama - really close to my place. It was so good - authentic Mexican food with some awesome cheese (chihuaua) and spices. I had a sort of creamy jalapeno salsa that was awesome - not too hot. And a blood orange margarita. And yummy mahi mahi fish tacos with a spicy sauce :-). So good! And then I treated myself to a flan dessert - don't worry, I took leftovers! But their flan was thicker - sorta like cheesecake, and they put a sort of caramel on it and mixed nuts - tasty. Another good night :-).
Friday I went to work again - although it's usually my stay at home day, I'd done that 2 days already this week. So had a good day at work, and left a bit early and took a bus down to the city. I really wanted tickets to a NY City Center "Fall for Dance" festival, and they were sold out by the time I called, but cancellation tickets were available the day of the performance starting at 6:30. So I got there about 5:20 and got tickets!! It's not much fun to wait, but it paid off - I got a great orchestra seat. Went home to drop stuff off, then came back for the performance. Oh my God it was amazing! And only for $10. All these different companies came together and each showcased a main piece of theirs. It was awesome. They all were very different styles and at different tempos. But fun! The first one was actually 8 guys from South India - reminded me of Naveen. It was odd - 1/2 of them did music while the other half did dancing, but they all wore suits. It was interesting - Indian style dancing, but modern, and an interpretation on the crazy business world as the guys lived out a day of work. Very cool. Then 1 black women did a dance - frenetic really - about the "sacred feminine". 1/2 of her costume was a suite, and 1/2 was a tube top - sort of a balance between fun and responsibility. Very cool. Piece #3 of 5 was very seductive - a couple with a lot of work on the floor and rolling over each other - intertwined. Then piece #4 was by the Boston Ballet - although I thought it'd be less modern because the women were ballerinas in tutus and the shoes, it actually was sorta dark and they had both traditional elements with the guys lifting up the women, and other elements where the people looked broken and put their arms at weird angles and stuff. Interesting piece. The last one was really energetic and fun! This group was from South Africa! There were guys that did tap, guys that stomped around and hit noise-making pads on their legs. They were always making a lot of noise and music and always high energy - jumping around. And through the performance they got less clothed which was really fun. A great finale to a great night! I'm so glad I got to see such a variety of dance! Made me very happy. Then I just grabbed a make-it-yourself salad from a deli and walked down to Rockefeller Center to eat it. That night it seemed the city was mine - beautiful and full of opportunity. They were filming at the Rockefeller Center - they had an ice rink up (tho it was 80 that day) and in the middle like a carpetted lounge area with leather couches where fancy people were hanging out! Very weird. But they played fun 80s skate music. Then I headed down to the E. Village to hang out with Mo - softball guy. He was hanging out with 2 friends from college - a couple - that were really nice. They live up in Westchester. They were fun to talk to, tho Mo was bummed about turning 30 (Sat was his bday). So we just went out for drinks. Mo knew the bartenders, so we got some nice treatment - had a great drink called "Chillin on my carpet" with Kahlua, Frangelico, and cream I think. Yum. Was fun, but I stayed too late and drank a little too much. But it was fun :-).
Saturday! See - big update... I slept in - didn't want to do anything. Finally got up and going out of the house around 2pm. Walked to Union Square - my favorite area. Went to a huge farmer's market that lifted my spirits - love fresh fruit and vegies! Then hit up a street festival in the area - bought some treasures! Bought a neat picture of New York City - midtown with the Empire State Building - one I liked Mom! It was neat - had a nice view from the water with city lights reflected. So yay! Hopefully my last souvenir. Then I got a neat glass teardrop necklace with a bunch of colors in it - I couldn't resist. And a neat Indian-influenced funky spaghetti strap top in browns and greens. Fun! I wore that shirt to go out later in the night for Mo's birthday! But yes, I kept going around Union Square - hit up Trader Joes which was fun, but there's only 1 in the city so lines were amazingly long. And finally, with all purchases in tow, I stopped at Filenne's Basement to find a sweater and tights to wear with the wool skirt I bought before. Success - after waiting in line to try everything on. Everything here is a line - too many people! Then I bussed home - very tired with all my stuff. I actually took a quick nap. Then headed out - in my awesome brown boots that I bought in Boston, and of course my new shirt, to the East side. I ate as Veselka - a well-established Ukranian famous retaurant. I did a sample-dinner: tasty borscht, salad, then meat-stuffed cabbage, pierogies, and kielbasa sausage. Yum! Nice to eat ethnic food - at least I love it. Then joined Mo and company celebrating his birthday at bars across from his place! Met a lot of his friends - they were all really nice, and most from around here. It was nice to hang out and chat with fun people - got a couple of invites to hang out again. All good people, but it made me miss MY old friends, and feel a bit out of place. Sometimes you just get tired of putting yourself out there all the time - being the gregarious one! Trying everything new... But had fun - chatted with Mo's cousin too who is nice. Left a bit earlier than the night before because I wasn't into drinking much 2 nights in a row! But it was also neat to tell people my story, and have them be really impressed with me moving out to NY by myself just for the experience! It's not always an easy city :-).
Which brings us to today. I gotta stop doing things, because there's too much to blog about! I got up early - when am I going to sleep?! I went on a bike ride which was fun. Turns out the east river track doesn't go all the way up and it was sorta a pain. But cut across central park which was pretty as always. Nice to bike and exercise. Then came home, showered quickly to get ready to go to an Off Broadway show my roommate recommended - this was the last day of some 2 week theater festival. I saw Jane Austen's Emma performed on stage in a musical. Totally neat! Awesome story - classic of course. I wasn't sure how it'd be in a musical, but they did a really good job. And it was fun in a small theater to be so close to the stage. The actors did a good job. Sometimes were pretty funny and cheeky, but all in all a great story to get lost in. Ah, romance. Sigh. So left to a beautiful day - we've had more summer days lately. Walked around a bit, then headed to East Village again. I heard about a good authentic German restaurant celebrating Oktoberfest, so I wanted to go. And they had a band and everything - with an accordian, basson, trumpet, and french horn! And roudy beer drinkers who cheersed and swayed and sang along. It was crowded and I had to wait to even get inside. But I had a small stein of Hoffbrau beer in the spirit, and a Bavarian pretzel. :-). Then got bratwurst with potato salad and sauerkraut to go for dinner. I had fun, but felt weird being there in a rowdy crowded place by myself. Think it would've been better with other people. :-(. But yeah - so headed home and ate tasty German food there. Nice to be home and relax. And talked to my roommate - we might go to the New York Film Festival tomorrow! Fun. Hit the grocery store quickly to have lunch for tomorrow, and just been relaxing the rest of the night. And now I'm ready to go sleep!
Good weekend (and week!), but yet again, I feel tired by all my activities and feel I should take some down time. Hopefully I can this week. I try to do everything - maybe to make life exciting and new, but maybe sometimes life can be slow and boring! We'll see :-). Just feel I should take advantage of this amazing city and all I can while I'm here... Fun Fun - and so much going on!
Love to all... J
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Uptown, downtown, all around town with Mom
Mom and I had a fabulous weekend. We traveled as far north as ~230 St. in the Bronx, and as far south as Staten Island - where the ferry docked! We took 5 different subway lines - red, yellow, green, blue and orange. We walked from Park Place down to Battery Park (past the World Trade Center), then back up to 6th Street in the East Village (through Chinatown and Little Italy)! We walked from 97th on the west side down to 57th on the east side, took the subway up the east side and came back west via 103rd St. Then we walked from 48th St. to 26th street. Also walked from 97th to around 82nd, back up to 104th. And that was just the Manhattan walking - we covered almost the whole island! And had fabulous adventures :-).
So I ran around the reservoir (for the last time - sniff) Friday morning while Mom was flying in on her red eye. Mom arrived fine, and we ate some cheese and crackers for lunch - yum :-). And cheese curds Mom had brought! And fresh fruit :-). Then we set off! We went to a street festival (my Mom loves them) downtown and got me a hair clip and earrings, and Mom socks. Then we meandered around - I introduced Mom to Starbucks. Their vanilla coffee was good! Then we saw the World Trade Center. Made our way down to Battery Park and looked at a billion framed photographs of the city that were pretty. Then took the Staten Island ferry! Nice ferry ride - and free! Fun views. We basically rode over and rode back - there's really nothing to do on Staten Island. Then I convinced my Mom that it was a short walk to the East Village :-). She couldn't believe all our walking, but it was fun! We walked through Chinatown and Little Italy so she could see it. But yeah - lots of walking. We ended up at my favorite Ethiopian place in the west village - awesome food! And Mom and I shared a bottle of wine - yum. Great dinner after all that walking. Love Ethiopian! Next time going for tibs... It was nice just to hang with my Mom, too. So we walked back to the subway (my Mom didn't kill me yet for all the walking) and called it a night just as the east village was heating up!
Saturday we awoke early - I awoke to my Mom's "time to get up" call - as usual. We set out for our Central Park adventure. Grabbed bagels and coffee for Mom along the way - yay New York. Ate in the park, and then walked! Walked past the reservoir, past Delacorte Theater and the castle, past the boathouse and the bow bridge - pretty - and then down to the south end of the park. Finally saw the stone bridge I love so much in pictures!! Although I ended up buying the sequence of the 4 seasons on the maple tree walkway instead. But so pretty - and calming, the park. Awesome. Then we veered away from the park to hit the Harley Davidson store - yeah, guess who that was for! Took the subway back up town and walked across the park at 103rd, and home! Then quick shower and dressed up for our Broadway Show! We saw "A Chorus Line" which was fun - had dancing and singing! It was neat - although atypical with the other Broadway shows I've seen - no props, and mostly individual stories told by the characters just talking on stage. There was the overarching plot of the audition, but it was a bit thin. But it was enjoyable :-). Then we wandered around Times Square which makes me very chlosterphobic. Bleh. We stopped in at the M&M store which was really fun. Then I had to get out of there. So we hopped over to Bryant Park. Then headed down 5th Ave to find our Indian place with dosas. It was much easier with Shan Shan's Zagat guide! Awesome :-). Yum with the South Indian dosas and pakora appetizers! Always delightful - and Mom was really happy sampling all the great foods that she can't get in Brookings. So we called it an early night - subwayed home and watched "All About Eve" - a movie about Broadway stars made in 1950! Yay old movies. Thought it was appropriate with the setting and all. :-).
Sunday - another whirlwind. But it's fun, I swear! We got up leisurely and walked down to Popover Cafe which I'd been wanting to try. Awesome place - great atmosphere. Pretty good popovers - they really popped, but a little crustier than ours. Like that they serve them with every meal. Then they had great variety of food and drinks - I could have ordered 10+ different things to enjoy! Mom got a sort of greek egg scramble thing, and I got a spinach, mushroom and goat cheese omelet. Tasty :-). And filling with our side of bacon. So we set out again - I took Mom to Riverside Park so we could see the Hudson - pretty as always. Love those parks. Then we walked back up to 96th for another street festival! Wandered through it some - I actually got a little keychain (frog) with a clock on it which is useful, then a NYC t-shirt for me. Then we headed out to the Bronx to check out New York Botanical Garden! It was big - lots to walk, and we had to walk a mile to even get to the garden from the metro. It was really pretty - some of the gardens, and the pine forest, but mostly it was just nature forest and stuff - not lots of flowers. We really enjoyed the rose garden - still many in bloom! And we saw a wedding going on... Again - relaxing scenery, but we were tired by the end. So we bus+subwayed back in time to get a nice gyro dinner from the street festival in my neighborhood. Mom loves gyros :-). And we got another bottle of wine. BTW - I did get Mom a couple of Christmas presents in all our wanderings too - don't think all the things we bought were for me! But anyway, we were happy to take all our treasures and food home and just relax for the rest of the evening at home! Tiring weekend, but full and really fun.
I loved every minute of it. And I think I convinced Mom of the merits of this city - everything being so accessible, using public transportation, awesome variety of food :-). We just both agreed we didn't want to live here forever. But we had great adventures together! And it was just awesome to have her around - my companion for the weekend :-). I love that my Mom and I are best friends and we can just be around each other and it's easy - we understand each other and can talk about everything. You can't get that kind of relaxation from anyone but those who've known you for years and years. I love it. And I wish I could have that more often. I love you Mom! Thanks for the visit :-).
Now - I need my relaxation! I wonder if I just fill my time with all these things to do just that - fill time. Don't get me wrong - I love the things I do, but sometimes I just feel like I'm chasing my own tail. I am having fun, but I feel I've lost the ability to relax. What makes me calm and at peace anymore? I guess exercise... Anyway. Monday I moved, and now I'm in my new place. I love it! - love the neighborhood and my roommate is cool. Glad to be here, and I'm getting settled. More about all this later...
So I ran around the reservoir (for the last time - sniff) Friday morning while Mom was flying in on her red eye. Mom arrived fine, and we ate some cheese and crackers for lunch - yum :-). And cheese curds Mom had brought! And fresh fruit :-). Then we set off! We went to a street festival (my Mom loves them) downtown and got me a hair clip and earrings, and Mom socks. Then we meandered around - I introduced Mom to Starbucks. Their vanilla coffee was good! Then we saw the World Trade Center. Made our way down to Battery Park and looked at a billion framed photographs of the city that were pretty. Then took the Staten Island ferry! Nice ferry ride - and free! Fun views. We basically rode over and rode back - there's really nothing to do on Staten Island. Then I convinced my Mom that it was a short walk to the East Village :-). She couldn't believe all our walking, but it was fun! We walked through Chinatown and Little Italy so she could see it. But yeah - lots of walking. We ended up at my favorite Ethiopian place in the west village - awesome food! And Mom and I shared a bottle of wine - yum. Great dinner after all that walking. Love Ethiopian! Next time going for tibs... It was nice just to hang with my Mom, too. So we walked back to the subway (my Mom didn't kill me yet for all the walking) and called it a night just as the east village was heating up!
Saturday we awoke early - I awoke to my Mom's "time to get up" call - as usual. We set out for our Central Park adventure. Grabbed bagels and coffee for Mom along the way - yay New York. Ate in the park, and then walked! Walked past the reservoir, past Delacorte Theater and the castle, past the boathouse and the bow bridge - pretty - and then down to the south end of the park. Finally saw the stone bridge I love so much in pictures!! Although I ended up buying the sequence of the 4 seasons on the maple tree walkway instead. But so pretty - and calming, the park. Awesome. Then we veered away from the park to hit the Harley Davidson store - yeah, guess who that was for! Took the subway back up town and walked across the park at 103rd, and home! Then quick shower and dressed up for our Broadway Show! We saw "A Chorus Line" which was fun - had dancing and singing! It was neat - although atypical with the other Broadway shows I've seen - no props, and mostly individual stories told by the characters just talking on stage. There was the overarching plot of the audition, but it was a bit thin. But it was enjoyable :-). Then we wandered around Times Square which makes me very chlosterphobic. Bleh. We stopped in at the M&M store which was really fun. Then I had to get out of there. So we hopped over to Bryant Park. Then headed down 5th Ave to find our Indian place with dosas. It was much easier with Shan Shan's Zagat guide! Awesome :-). Yum with the South Indian dosas and pakora appetizers! Always delightful - and Mom was really happy sampling all the great foods that she can't get in Brookings. So we called it an early night - subwayed home and watched "All About Eve" - a movie about Broadway stars made in 1950! Yay old movies. Thought it was appropriate with the setting and all. :-).
Sunday - another whirlwind. But it's fun, I swear! We got up leisurely and walked down to Popover Cafe which I'd been wanting to try. Awesome place - great atmosphere. Pretty good popovers - they really popped, but a little crustier than ours. Like that they serve them with every meal. Then they had great variety of food and drinks - I could have ordered 10+ different things to enjoy! Mom got a sort of greek egg scramble thing, and I got a spinach, mushroom and goat cheese omelet. Tasty :-). And filling with our side of bacon. So we set out again - I took Mom to Riverside Park so we could see the Hudson - pretty as always. Love those parks. Then we walked back up to 96th for another street festival! Wandered through it some - I actually got a little keychain (frog) with a clock on it which is useful, then a NYC t-shirt for me. Then we headed out to the Bronx to check out New York Botanical Garden! It was big - lots to walk, and we had to walk a mile to even get to the garden from the metro. It was really pretty - some of the gardens, and the pine forest, but mostly it was just nature forest and stuff - not lots of flowers. We really enjoyed the rose garden - still many in bloom! And we saw a wedding going on... Again - relaxing scenery, but we were tired by the end. So we bus+subwayed back in time to get a nice gyro dinner from the street festival in my neighborhood. Mom loves gyros :-). And we got another bottle of wine. BTW - I did get Mom a couple of Christmas presents in all our wanderings too - don't think all the things we bought were for me! But anyway, we were happy to take all our treasures and food home and just relax for the rest of the evening at home! Tiring weekend, but full and really fun.
I loved every minute of it. And I think I convinced Mom of the merits of this city - everything being so accessible, using public transportation, awesome variety of food :-). We just both agreed we didn't want to live here forever. But we had great adventures together! And it was just awesome to have her around - my companion for the weekend :-). I love that my Mom and I are best friends and we can just be around each other and it's easy - we understand each other and can talk about everything. You can't get that kind of relaxation from anyone but those who've known you for years and years. I love it. And I wish I could have that more often. I love you Mom! Thanks for the visit :-).
Now - I need my relaxation! I wonder if I just fill my time with all these things to do just that - fill time. Don't get me wrong - I love the things I do, but sometimes I just feel like I'm chasing my own tail. I am having fun, but I feel I've lost the ability to relax. What makes me calm and at peace anymore? I guess exercise... Anyway. Monday I moved, and now I'm in my new place. I love it! - love the neighborhood and my roommate is cool. Glad to be here, and I'm getting settled. More about all this later...
Thursday, September 27, 2007
This city is MINE!
So I know I'm up and down, but I have to say - I love this city. Yes, it is impersonal, and yes everything is crazy and it is excessive with stimuli. But really - it's awesome too. People really know how to deal with people - they aren't rude, they just have to deal with tons of people being packing in a tiny island. And yes they are always rushed, in a hurry - slightly frenzied, so they get a bit mad when you get in their way. But otherwise, they are pretty considerate :-).
But the real reason I love this city is that I can come home by subway at 10:15 pm - travel 6 miles for $2 pretty quickly while reading my Harry Potter book (I saw several subwayers reading it when it came out!) and there are people all over - tons of people walking the streets, on the subway. 10pm is hardly anything here - not late! Love that anything is possible - that you can have any schedule you want. That my new neighborhood ROCKS! So yes, my street is the home of the gay and transvestite crew, but my neighborhood rocks! West Village - oh yeah. I walked up Hudson tonight with my new keys in hand and passed 15 restaurants and bars in like 1 minute - of all different kinds. You can just head out your front door and be minutes from anything - a post office, wonderful bakeries (I'm close to Magnolia Cafe and it's cupcakes - deadly!), a grocery store, a laundromat, tons of good restaurants. So exciting! Love it. Love that this city is awake late like me. It has so much to offer - and it's fun to just have everything. Sure it's given to its excesses, but it's exciting :-).
I've been having fun this week. Besides working hard and cleaning and packing hard every night this week (my apartment looks amazing - feels good to get that done altho tiring), I went out with friends twice. Love friends! Went out with Sharon from my building - she was an intern this summer, but now she is back at Princeton. We finally got to go to sushi together! It was so fun - we talked about boys. Mostly she talked - she's been going on a lot of dates lately, and wants to know why the guy who she has fabulous dates with never actually calls! She's fun. And the sushi was yummy of course. I was just excited to have a "girl's night" so to speak. Neat to connect again - will try to keep up with her, though I am moving!
Tonight went out with Mohammed down by his school again. I love how we can choose a different restaurant every Thursday night within a small radius from his school - so much to choose from. Today we went to a Malaysian/French Cafe - bizarre, but so tasty! I got this Homemade Acar - mixed pickle with tons of veggies. Yum :-). Had to. Then a wonderful chicken curry - Rendang Chicken. So curry spicy and yummy! Love food here. And had a nice chat with Mohammed - I decided I need to stop having an agenda. I'm so exhausted because I am too planny - have too many expectations. I need to mellow out and go with the flow - it'd be so less fretful. I really want to just enjoy life and not worry about the future so much. It's my new "plan" - like the if you decide you are in a good mood, then you have a good day! Good to have a good outlook. Try not to focus on the negatives of being in research for example :-).
Anyway - fun times. And Mom's here tomorrow - can't wait! Happy weekend.
But the real reason I love this city is that I can come home by subway at 10:15 pm - travel 6 miles for $2 pretty quickly while reading my Harry Potter book (I saw several subwayers reading it when it came out!) and there are people all over - tons of people walking the streets, on the subway. 10pm is hardly anything here - not late! Love that anything is possible - that you can have any schedule you want. That my new neighborhood ROCKS! So yes, my street is the home of the gay and transvestite crew, but my neighborhood rocks! West Village - oh yeah. I walked up Hudson tonight with my new keys in hand and passed 15 restaurants and bars in like 1 minute - of all different kinds. You can just head out your front door and be minutes from anything - a post office, wonderful bakeries (I'm close to Magnolia Cafe and it's cupcakes - deadly!), a grocery store, a laundromat, tons of good restaurants. So exciting! Love it. Love that this city is awake late like me. It has so much to offer - and it's fun to just have everything. Sure it's given to its excesses, but it's exciting :-).
I've been having fun this week. Besides working hard and cleaning and packing hard every night this week (my apartment looks amazing - feels good to get that done altho tiring), I went out with friends twice. Love friends! Went out with Sharon from my building - she was an intern this summer, but now she is back at Princeton. We finally got to go to sushi together! It was so fun - we talked about boys. Mostly she talked - she's been going on a lot of dates lately, and wants to know why the guy who she has fabulous dates with never actually calls! She's fun. And the sushi was yummy of course. I was just excited to have a "girl's night" so to speak. Neat to connect again - will try to keep up with her, though I am moving!
Tonight went out with Mohammed down by his school again. I love how we can choose a different restaurant every Thursday night within a small radius from his school - so much to choose from. Today we went to a Malaysian/French Cafe - bizarre, but so tasty! I got this Homemade Acar - mixed pickle with tons of veggies. Yum :-). Had to. Then a wonderful chicken curry - Rendang Chicken. So curry spicy and yummy! Love food here. And had a nice chat with Mohammed - I decided I need to stop having an agenda. I'm so exhausted because I am too planny - have too many expectations. I need to mellow out and go with the flow - it'd be so less fretful. I really want to just enjoy life and not worry about the future so much. It's my new "plan" - like the if you decide you are in a good mood, then you have a good day! Good to have a good outlook. Try not to focus on the negatives of being in research for example :-).
Anyway - fun times. And Mom's here tomorrow - can't wait! Happy weekend.
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