So I meant to post this on Thursday, but here goes. The short version: Wednesday night I went out to dinner and BEER with my new FRIENDS which caused me to be very bleary-eyed during my Thursday morning run, where I saw a beautiful RAINBOW over the lake and close to home, a flock of COCKATOOS :-).
So more details - I've been getting work done this week, which has been good. I still feel like I should be more productive, but it's going well! I have been making dinner at home and stopping at the grocery store on the way home every few days which is nice. Wednesday, 2 friends and I decided to meet up and go to dinner. So one is a guy from the program who's been my roommate for the last week - name's Micah and he's cool. A world traveler, so we have tons to talk about. He's getting his PhD at Colorado in Computational Biology, but he has a CS background. Other is Nancy - a 21 year old not in our program, but here on an internship - a senior at a college in Connecticut interested in psychological, especially with kids. So we decided to be adventurous and bus up to a difference Canberra neighborhood (where none of us had been) and try a Chinese restaurant called Jimmy's that was recommended to us. So we had fun! We got a bunch of dishes and shared them - a peppery beef dish, a chicken dish, a seafood medley dish (with shrimp, white fish, squid and scallops and snow peas), and Chinese broccoli. Everything was really tasty! And we had some interesting conversations - about travel, about water activities (Nancy rows and Micah scubas), about grad school, about American individualism. No shortage of conversation :-). It was fun! Nancy is still young from my perspective - just learning to drink and all. But she's a cool chick. We went to Wig and Pen - a Microbrew beer pub after dinner that was recommended to me. I loved it! Nice atmosphere and I got a chocolate elderberry stout which was dessert for sure! We continued our lively conversation and Micah ended up treating us to dinner, and a 2nd round of drinks (which we didn't want). So I don't know the % alcohol of my beer, but it must've been strong because I was definitely feeling it on our chilly walk home that night! But I felt happy - I was hanging out, checking out Canberra, and had friends :-).
Thursday morning, however, was painful becuase of Wednesday night. So I didn't go to bed until 1am (we got home earlier because Canberra shuts down early, but I was being self-destructive here). Anyway, I had a phone meeting with my US collaborators at 7! So dehydrated and bleary-eyed, I got up for the meeting, which went well. I contemplated going back to bed, but was awake, so just went for my 8K run around the lake... Well, it was TOUGH that morning. Sure it was windy, but really the problem was me :-). I had to walk a stretch, but I made it even with dehydration and not feeling the best. But what saved me - above me there were blue skies, but to the east and west were very dark scary clouds. So when I rounded the 2nd bridge over the lake and came back on the north path, I saw a beautiful rainbow appear. Made me just smile :-). And just in a mini park behind my house I saw a huge flock of cockatoos! Literally like 30. I was complaining to Steve that I never saw them - they see them as like pigeons - nuisances - they are all over ANU. But I was happy to see them! Unfortunately didn't get a picture. So even though I felt like a snail during the run, I actually made good time home.
So let me just say I like going to work here. I get up at 7:30 every morning, and do some kind of exercise before work. Then I get in by around 10. When all 3 of us (Steve, my mentor, and Daniel his grad student) are in, we go for awesome coffee across the street - sometimes grab a delicious muffin too. Then lunch is at 1 - Thursday we got gyros from the union and Fridays the guys always go to a sushi place on campus. Steve is right next door and pops in to see if I need help - without micromanaging. So, it's a nice atmosphere! And everyone is friendly. The building shuts down at 5 - you have to have a key to get OUT of the building too! And around then, or 5:30 is when Steve goes home. I've been staying more like till 6:30 or 7, but that's really late here (everyone else has gone home way earlier). But I like the good internet at work :-). So, it's a nice routine! Thursday I actually gave a talk to our department about my work - basically the talk I gave at the conference a couple of weeks ago. Even though no one else does my kind of research, it went really well - I got a lot of good questions (people were actually thinking about the work and all), and it was fun! I feel more and more confident every time I do this.
So Friday morning, got up and swimming was the exercise! I talked to Nancy who loves to swim, and we met at the nice Olympic pool just down from my house at 8 to swim. Swam close to an hour, and it was awesome! 50m pool, so a long longer than I'm used to, but nice facility. And the water feels warm (which makes me feel slow), but it's winter, so it's nice that it's warm. I mean the pool itself is inside a bubble, so it's heated, but yeah.
So, good week! Although I have to say for some reason Friday I got lonely. There's a couple of things about being here... For some reason everything reminds me of someone. I get reminded of the people I love all the time. Eating pepper reminds me of Ryan :-). Seeing Steve's kids reminds me of my sister's kids. Swimming reminds me of Maria, and running of Christine. Eating dates reminds me of Negin. So many little things! Eating gyros and going to the market last weekend - that was Mom for sure. So, anyway, I'm just saying - I can't some being reminded of all of you. And even if I don't live in the same town as you - I miss you! My friend Maria told me that's a sign of loneliness, and maybe it is. I feel a bit sad now because Daniel and Nancy are in Sydney for the weekend. Micah and I went to a neat movie last night, though, so I feel sorta social :-). We saw Mongol - the movie about Ghengis Khan. And I have my new roommate Jet who moved in. I'm going to go hike in a bit, and meet Steve at the Botanical Gardens tomorrow for lunch with his family. So there are things. But I find that Canberra itself is a city to live in. It's not like New York where I'm bouncing from activity to activity, or where it's known that there are 1000 things going on right now. I am not a tourist here - I live here. Which is what I prefer. But, without my people - I get lonely just living isolated from everything.
But there are things to look forward to - I leave for a long weekend in Sydney on Wednesday myself. And the following week/weekend will be in Melbourne. So more adventures are on the way! No worries :-).
Friday, June 27, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Nomad once again
Periodically I get excited about travel - about wonderous places to see, about adventures yet to be had, histories and cultures to discover. I was so not in that itchy "need-to-travel" state when I left for Australia to be honest. I wanted to be home. New York hadn't worn off yet. But, apparently being here has peaked it again - my wanderlust :-). I have a conversation or 2 with people about their travels, and I can't wait to go there myself! Exploration! So here's where I really want to go (because making lists excites me):
Mongolia - just had conversation about this place with people over "cake time" - sounds fascinating in its remotely
Egypt - history - need I say more?
Bali - my cousin went here and I am just fascinated with their shadow puppets. Will try to go there while I'm down here :-).
India - eventually - it'll be difficult to go here, but it's a must
Israel - so much history here, too, and an interesting part of the world
Turkey - awesome wares and food/drinks!
Eastern Europe - really need to go to Prague and Vienna, and I've love to see Bucharest and other cities (maybe Belgrade?) around there :-).
Ireland/Scotland/Stonehenge - I'd love to see this part of the world - so green!
Casablanca, Morocco maybe? You can guess why :-)
Central America - Belize (awesome scuba), Costa Rica, maybe Panama, Guatemala, etc.
Ok, that's my current list. Of course there are other possibilities, but these are highest right now. And sometime I'll probably have to break down and see Japan and all that too. But we'll see.
So if you are interested in any of this - tell me and sign up to go with me! I'm available anytime - especially if companions volunteer :-).
Yay nomadic life!
Mongolia - just had conversation about this place with people over "cake time" - sounds fascinating in its remotely
Egypt - history - need I say more?
Bali - my cousin went here and I am just fascinated with their shadow puppets. Will try to go there while I'm down here :-).
India - eventually - it'll be difficult to go here, but it's a must
Israel - so much history here, too, and an interesting part of the world
Turkey - awesome wares and food/drinks!
Eastern Europe - really need to go to Prague and Vienna, and I've love to see Bucharest and other cities (maybe Belgrade?) around there :-).
Ireland/Scotland/Stonehenge - I'd love to see this part of the world - so green!
Casablanca, Morocco maybe? You can guess why :-)
Central America - Belize (awesome scuba), Costa Rica, maybe Panama, Guatemala, etc.
Ok, that's my current list. Of course there are other possibilities, but these are highest right now. And sometime I'll probably have to break down and see Japan and all that too. But we'll see.
So if you are interested in any of this - tell me and sign up to go with me! I'm available anytime - especially if companions volunteer :-).
Yay nomadic life!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Good on ya - settling in to Canberra
Hey all - My first few days living in Canberra have been wonderful - at least after I have been able to settle in. So much to process! I will try to share some...
So I had 1 more day of orientation which went well. We went to the National Museum of Australia in the afternoon (very neat architecture) and had a very exuberant guide tell show us through the "Native Australian" and aboriginal exhibits which were awesome! I really am intrigued by that part of history here. They have been here apparently for like 60,000 years. And their customs were very impressive. An interesting and adaptive people! Especially with their fishing, headdresses, possum furs, boomerangs, tools, etc. Beautiful art. Then we walked about a bit, and had our farewell with the orientation with drinks. Went to a pretty good Thai place, then to the Uni pub for some night entertainment. But we went home early - 9:30 ish. Maybe it's the fact that the sun goes down at 5 or everything closes early, but there's not much to do here at night!
So the next day the group left, and I got picked up by Steve to go drop bags at my new apartment! So nice to actually have a stable place to stay - a place to unpack suitcases. Went to work the rest of the day, then met up with a guy in the program who's my roommate for the first week (until his housing opens up), and we walked around and went to decent Malaysian food. Then got some groceries (only place open past 5 or 6pm in the very proximate mall) on the way home.
Friday was awesome - I went on my first long bike ride in Canberra! So yes, it was chilly and rainy, but it was beautiful! I said this place is like a big park, and I rode down to the lake (past the famous War Memorial), and then entirely around the huge lake - all around the city and Parliament buildings, then out west through forests and dams were you don't see much but nature! It was a long, but wonderful ride. But I had to keep reminding myself - stay to the left! Although it is scarier when you are trying to cross roads then when you are just on a nice track :-). Over 23K later, I was able to come back home! Felt great :-). On the walk to school, I tried to find a mobile phone which was very frustrating and I had no luck. But then at work, my mentor had an old mobile phone with minutes on it to give me, so yay! And plus he set me up with internet at home - bought me the modem and everything. He's been great to me... Funny things here - receiving calls on the mobile is free, and texting is way more common. Calling a cell phone is more expensive than calling a land line. Also on the internet - I have a 3GB per month plan meaning that you pay per MB! So I'm conscience of how much time I'm on. But I do now have Skype - my name is "JennBSartor" so I encourage you all to get that if you want to talk to me. Anyway... Friday night went to sushi dinner with Steve (mentor) and family which was nice. He has 3 small children so they dominate the interaction. But we did a sushi train which was fun for them! And I thought of you, Mind. Then did some errands on the way home - went to "Big W" - Walmart without the stigma :-).
Saturday woke up and did some Kung Fu which was very nice. Then got ready and went out to Tidbinbilla Nature Reserve - a 45 minute drive from Canberra. Weird to be in the "drivers seat" - I felt very close to the left curb and kept wanting to adjust mirrors :-). But beautiful countryside. Although we saw (still) a ton of the fire damaged area from the HUGE devastating Jan 2003 fire. And we passed some astronomy and space stations. So, I saw the 2 animals on the coat of arms in the wild - the kangaroo and the emu!!! So neat. We tried to see koalas on our hike, but they were hard to see. Then we went to a park and had a picnic lunch of sausages and all. So tasty! Did I mention how awesome Steve's been to me? So, came back to the city, and was feeling down so I went across the street for a walk in the mall. Even on Saturday everything closed at 5! But I did do some more food shopping to make some tasty omelets for dinner - my first cooking experience in my new apartment. Oh yeah - did I mention my 2 balconies and the built-in electric blankets on the bed? So awesome!
So today - went for an 8K run - again around the lake which I love. Went over the 2 main bridges in the city that form a triangle where the apex is Parliament. Good run. And one of my favorite new Australian sayings is "Good on ya" - which is what Steve said when I told him I did the run (one he used to do all the time). Fun times. Then I rode down to meet Steve for AFL - the Football game between Sydney Swans and Melbourne Demons. But first, on his recommendation, stopped by the neat Glassworks building and Old Bus Depot Markets on the way! Neat to see them blowing glass, although I've seen it before. And hte Markets were fun - I tasted a lot of awesome foods - they love curries and chilis and hot sauces and sweet dips and dates and figs and the like! And some fudge too. We don't seem to have Turkish Delight in the states, do we? And had some really awesome Chili Wine! Mostly to be sipped, but fun :-). And there were artsy/crafty booths that I wandered through - fun, but I didn't buy anything. Then I met up with the big gang, and went to the football game! The stadium was huge, but the game was low-key. The sorta didn't care about searchign my bag, and everything was pretty informal. You could bring in anything but glass (food, anything). So, Steve brought us a bunch of small meat pies which apparently are an Australian favorite! And some chili chocolate for dessert - yum. But the game itself - we all were routing for the red Sydney Swans (cheering - routing means having sex with apparently). The game is really fast-paced and high scoring. Altho there's tackling, that isn't the main thing - people just move the ball from person to person fast and run a lot. You can volley-ball hit to each other or kick, and goals are made by kicking through big tall polls. But Sydney won in the end with over 100 points (goals are either 6 or 1 point, so they scored a lot!) to around 70 for Melbourne :-). So it was fun. Everyone was allowed on the field afterwards to run around and kids brought their footballs to kick them around. So, it was great! And Steve's friends were all very nice. Another saying I love is "no worries" - they say that all the time (maybe I apologize a lot). So I biked home over 3 miles back! I do love this city :-). We decided it's not as exciting as Sydney or Melbourne, but it's a good place to live.
So, general thoughts - I love having a home where I can be comfortable - I really need that. I need exercise too, of course :-). The weather here - I'm getting used to it. Friday was rainy and Steve said that was abnormal because it's dry here. When the sun's out during the day, the afternoons are quite nice and feel pretty warm, but it's chilly in the morning, and pretty darn chilly after the sun goes down. Aussies LOVE LOVE their sprots. We have about 10 TV stations, and 5 of them at all times are showing some sport - cricket, AFL, Rugby Union, Rugby League, tennis, etc! There are birds here everywhere - parrots, kookaburra, cockatoo, swans, magpies. They are beautiful.
OK, I think I've written enough. I'll put some pictures up maybe tomorrow when my internet is not limited :-). G'day! Goodnight to y'all actually :-).
So I had 1 more day of orientation which went well. We went to the National Museum of Australia in the afternoon (very neat architecture) and had a very exuberant guide tell show us through the "Native Australian" and aboriginal exhibits which were awesome! I really am intrigued by that part of history here. They have been here apparently for like 60,000 years. And their customs were very impressive. An interesting and adaptive people! Especially with their fishing, headdresses, possum furs, boomerangs, tools, etc. Beautiful art. Then we walked about a bit, and had our farewell with the orientation with drinks. Went to a pretty good Thai place, then to the Uni pub for some night entertainment. But we went home early - 9:30 ish. Maybe it's the fact that the sun goes down at 5 or everything closes early, but there's not much to do here at night!
So the next day the group left, and I got picked up by Steve to go drop bags at my new apartment! So nice to actually have a stable place to stay - a place to unpack suitcases. Went to work the rest of the day, then met up with a guy in the program who's my roommate for the first week (until his housing opens up), and we walked around and went to decent Malaysian food. Then got some groceries (only place open past 5 or 6pm in the very proximate mall) on the way home.
Friday was awesome - I went on my first long bike ride in Canberra! So yes, it was chilly and rainy, but it was beautiful! I said this place is like a big park, and I rode down to the lake (past the famous War Memorial), and then entirely around the huge lake - all around the city and Parliament buildings, then out west through forests and dams were you don't see much but nature! It was a long, but wonderful ride. But I had to keep reminding myself - stay to the left! Although it is scarier when you are trying to cross roads then when you are just on a nice track :-). Over 23K later, I was able to come back home! Felt great :-). On the walk to school, I tried to find a mobile phone which was very frustrating and I had no luck. But then at work, my mentor had an old mobile phone with minutes on it to give me, so yay! And plus he set me up with internet at home - bought me the modem and everything. He's been great to me... Funny things here - receiving calls on the mobile is free, and texting is way more common. Calling a cell phone is more expensive than calling a land line. Also on the internet - I have a 3GB per month plan meaning that you pay per MB! So I'm conscience of how much time I'm on. But I do now have Skype - my name is "JennBSartor" so I encourage you all to get that if you want to talk to me. Anyway... Friday night went to sushi dinner with Steve (mentor) and family which was nice. He has 3 small children so they dominate the interaction. But we did a sushi train which was fun for them! And I thought of you, Mind. Then did some errands on the way home - went to "Big W" - Walmart without the stigma :-).
Saturday woke up and did some Kung Fu which was very nice. Then got ready and went out to Tidbinbilla Nature Reserve - a 45 minute drive from Canberra. Weird to be in the "drivers seat" - I felt very close to the left curb and kept wanting to adjust mirrors :-). But beautiful countryside. Although we saw (still) a ton of the fire damaged area from the HUGE devastating Jan 2003 fire. And we passed some astronomy and space stations. So, I saw the 2 animals on the coat of arms in the wild - the kangaroo and the emu!!! So neat. We tried to see koalas on our hike, but they were hard to see. Then we went to a park and had a picnic lunch of sausages and all. So tasty! Did I mention how awesome Steve's been to me? So, came back to the city, and was feeling down so I went across the street for a walk in the mall. Even on Saturday everything closed at 5! But I did do some more food shopping to make some tasty omelets for dinner - my first cooking experience in my new apartment. Oh yeah - did I mention my 2 balconies and the built-in electric blankets on the bed? So awesome!
So today - went for an 8K run - again around the lake which I love. Went over the 2 main bridges in the city that form a triangle where the apex is Parliament. Good run. And one of my favorite new Australian sayings is "Good on ya" - which is what Steve said when I told him I did the run (one he used to do all the time). Fun times. Then I rode down to meet Steve for AFL - the Football game between Sydney Swans and Melbourne Demons. But first, on his recommendation, stopped by the neat Glassworks building and Old Bus Depot Markets on the way! Neat to see them blowing glass, although I've seen it before. And hte Markets were fun - I tasted a lot of awesome foods - they love curries and chilis and hot sauces and sweet dips and dates and figs and the like! And some fudge too. We don't seem to have Turkish Delight in the states, do we? And had some really awesome Chili Wine! Mostly to be sipped, but fun :-). And there were artsy/crafty booths that I wandered through - fun, but I didn't buy anything. Then I met up with the big gang, and went to the football game! The stadium was huge, but the game was low-key. The sorta didn't care about searchign my bag, and everything was pretty informal. You could bring in anything but glass (food, anything). So, Steve brought us a bunch of small meat pies which apparently are an Australian favorite! And some chili chocolate for dessert - yum. But the game itself - we all were routing for the red Sydney Swans (cheering - routing means having sex with apparently). The game is really fast-paced and high scoring. Altho there's tackling, that isn't the main thing - people just move the ball from person to person fast and run a lot. You can volley-ball hit to each other or kick, and goals are made by kicking through big tall polls. But Sydney won in the end with over 100 points (goals are either 6 or 1 point, so they scored a lot!) to around 70 for Melbourne :-). So it was fun. Everyone was allowed on the field afterwards to run around and kids brought their footballs to kick them around. So, it was great! And Steve's friends were all very nice. Another saying I love is "no worries" - they say that all the time (maybe I apologize a lot). So I biked home over 3 miles back! I do love this city :-). We decided it's not as exciting as Sydney or Melbourne, but it's a good place to live.
So, general thoughts - I love having a home where I can be comfortable - I really need that. I need exercise too, of course :-). The weather here - I'm getting used to it. Friday was rainy and Steve said that was abnormal because it's dry here. When the sun's out during the day, the afternoons are quite nice and feel pretty warm, but it's chilly in the morning, and pretty darn chilly after the sun goes down. Aussies LOVE LOVE their sprots. We have about 10 TV stations, and 5 of them at all times are showing some sport - cricket, AFL, Rugby Union, Rugby League, tennis, etc! There are birds here everywhere - parrots, kookaburra, cockatoo, swans, magpies. They are beautiful.
OK, I think I've written enough. I'll put some pictures up maybe tomorrow when my internet is not limited :-). G'day! Goodnight to y'all actually :-).
G'day from OZ (written previously)
I'm reinstating this journal for my new adventures - in OZ! Australia, that is :-). Sorry it's been awhile since I've written in general - the spring was very busy for me. I got my paper into that conference which was awesome! I gave the talk in Tucson on June 8 and it went super-splendidly - I got best presentation award for the 2-day conference! Wow - kudos to me! That was wonderful. And on May 25 I completed my first triathlon - a sprint one that took me only an hour and 40 minutes! I was so proud :-). So some great accomplishments... And I made a trip to see my sister in SLC in May which was very fun. Then, on the way to Australia, spent a weekend in San Fran with Ryan to see the WHOLE family and celebrate Gram's 90th birthday! It was very special and wonderful time. I'm so glad I got to be a part of it. But... now on to OZ!
I left San Fran at 10:47pm on Sunday June 15th. And I made it to OZ, down under, Tuesday morning at 6:25am - at least to Sydney! The flight was uneventful and
actually not bad at all. I tried to stay up for the first several hours -
watched "The Bucket List" and read my new book "In a Sunburned Country".
Somewhere in there was dinner. Then passed out after that for 3-4 hours, and
woke up a bit for a snacky sandwich and stayed up for an hour, then tried to
sleep again - only made it about 3 hours until they turned on the lights and
served breakfast. So I was up for the rest of the flight. Customs was fine,
collected bags, got sniffed by a dog (my bags), went through quarantine, then
transferred to the domestic terminal (which is quite a drive away!). Sydney
was rainy and chilly. Then boarded short flight to Canberra where I passed out
again, but woke up to get my biscuits (cookies). I looked at the back of the
package and instead of calories it reported energy in kJ! Have to figure out
that conversion... Then was met by a nice government car and did the short
drive to the ANU campus/Australian Academy of Science. They let us check in to
our "Uni House" and shower which was lovely. Then my goal was just to stay
awake all day which I succeeded in!
Joined the group where they were having morning tea :-). Yum coffee. We went
to the Old Parliament for a nice lunch, then did a big tour of the New
Parliament House which was really cool. We actually went into the House of
Representatives where they were doing Question Time and boy is that racey!
Everyone "whinges" and "carps" and points fingers and talks out of turn and
accuses the opposite party of idiocy (lots of booing and here hereing). Very
entertaining :-). The Australian people are so open and nice! While Canberra
is not the most exciting city, I will enjoy being here I think for the outdoor
stuff, but boy it's chilly - especially at night! I saw in a paper the low
this weekend is 1 (celcius of course). Oh, but there are cockatoos and possums
everywhere :-). I walked around ANU after dusk (5pm right now) to have the cold
air help keep me awake! Then we enjoyed a nice Indian dinner. And though I got
a bout of homesickness briefly, I do have a bunch of friends from the program
already - we are talking about potential trips to the Great Barrier Reef one
weekend and NZ after the program, so that picked me up a bit! And I met my host
and he already had plans for me for this weekend - a football (but not as I know
it) match and a hike/picnic with his family. So - I might just make it! Altho
I do have to get used to it being winter, and get used to the time. I had some
very tired moments, but now I've made it to 10pm (7am Austin time), so I think
I'm allowed to go to bed finally! Yippee and Halleluyah.
That's it - more orientation tomorrow, then I am at work starting Thursday and I
will move to my actual housing! Wish me luck...
I left San Fran at 10:47pm on Sunday June 15th. And I made it to OZ, down under, Tuesday morning at 6:25am - at least to Sydney! The flight was uneventful and
actually not bad at all. I tried to stay up for the first several hours -
watched "The Bucket List" and read my new book "In a Sunburned Country".
Somewhere in there was dinner. Then passed out after that for 3-4 hours, and
woke up a bit for a snacky sandwich and stayed up for an hour, then tried to
sleep again - only made it about 3 hours until they turned on the lights and
served breakfast. So I was up for the rest of the flight. Customs was fine,
collected bags, got sniffed by a dog (my bags), went through quarantine, then
transferred to the domestic terminal (which is quite a drive away!). Sydney
was rainy and chilly. Then boarded short flight to Canberra where I passed out
again, but woke up to get my biscuits (cookies). I looked at the back of the
package and instead of calories it reported energy in kJ! Have to figure out
that conversion... Then was met by a nice government car and did the short
drive to the ANU campus/Australian Academy of Science. They let us check in to
our "Uni House" and shower which was lovely. Then my goal was just to stay
awake all day which I succeeded in!
Joined the group where they were having morning tea :-). Yum coffee. We went
to the Old Parliament for a nice lunch, then did a big tour of the New
Parliament House which was really cool. We actually went into the House of
Representatives where they were doing Question Time and boy is that racey!
Everyone "whinges" and "carps" and points fingers and talks out of turn and
accuses the opposite party of idiocy (lots of booing and here hereing). Very
entertaining :-). The Australian people are so open and nice! While Canberra
is not the most exciting city, I will enjoy being here I think for the outdoor
stuff, but boy it's chilly - especially at night! I saw in a paper the low
this weekend is 1 (celcius of course). Oh, but there are cockatoos and possums
everywhere :-). I walked around ANU after dusk (5pm right now) to have the cold
air help keep me awake! Then we enjoyed a nice Indian dinner. And though I got
a bout of homesickness briefly, I do have a bunch of friends from the program
already - we are talking about potential trips to the Great Barrier Reef one
weekend and NZ after the program, so that picked me up a bit! And I met my host
and he already had plans for me for this weekend - a football (but not as I know
it) match and a hike/picnic with his family. So - I might just make it! Altho
I do have to get used to it being winter, and get used to the time. I had some
very tired moments, but now I've made it to 10pm (7am Austin time), so I think
I'm allowed to go to bed finally! Yippee and Halleluyah.
That's it - more orientation tomorrow, then I am at work starting Thursday and I
will move to my actual housing! Wish me luck...
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Being Sporty Spice
I don't know when it happened, but I have embraced this new persona. I am sporty Jenn. I prefer to be in baggy exercise clothes, fully sweaty from a couple of good workouts rather than prim and proper and makeuped and shiny. I embrace this - I love it, I feel good about it. I like challenging myself, pushing myself. I like being a doer. I have been a doer for a long time, but hadn't pushed that into the realm of exercise. It started Fall of 06, and it's gotten worse (better) since then. Extreme exercise! Maybe several hours per day, 5-7 days a week. Rock on. Now my regiment is 2 hours of Kung Fu Mon and Wednesdays, Tuesday and Thursday I swim for an hour, then do 1 other exercise - usually running or another Kung Fu class. Then weekends - tennis, biking, running, hiking. Tried Cardio Tennis last weekend - hard, sweaty, fun. So seriously. And it's not a "hobby", more like an obsession. I'm an addict. I need to exercise. I don't back down or flake out or stop if I get sick (unless I'm really sick). But the thing is, when do you say when? I keep pushing myself, and surprising myself with how much I can do. I impress myself actually! This semester I do 2 hours of exercise each week day instead of just bricks on weekends for triathlon training. Push myself, and I can do it! However, you keep uping the bar, up and up. Well, I am learning a lesson - it's not ALWAYS good to keep pushing up, to keep challenging. It's HARD! And it's not always good for your exhausted body. Especially when you don't get enough sleep - my friend told me that for every hour of exercise per day you should add an extra hour of sleep on top of what you normally should get. Holy cow - what a time committment! So, I have to learn some restraint. And not doing 2 high intensity exercises back to back in the evening after not having eaten for 6 or so hours is probably WISE. Plus, you can't never give yourself a break. But when you keep uping, it's hard to ever lessen - it's like admitting weakness or defeat. Plus, then your body gets used to burning that many calories - your metabolism is different. So yeah - I'm learning. I'm trying to keep it in perspective. But I like this sporty life. But - definitely make sure you forgive your body some too - keep granola bars around! Still learning balance :-). Just because you can push yourself doesn't always mean that you should!
In other news, the boy said the other day that I am very comfortable with myself, that he likes that. Made me smile. It's part of becoming the best me, becoming who I really want to be. Being all I ever wanted to be, and maybe more. Impressing myself - being proud of myself! Some people made some comments to me about how I was in Jamaica, and that's the first time I think I felt it - like I was radiating. So together, so happy, so confident. Comfortable in my own skin. And knowing myself - knowing what I want. Part of it then (and now) is showing off my new body. It does make me confident in appearance. But it's also like I'm unstoppable. I believe I can do anything, anything I want to. And I'm doing awesome stuff for myself, doing what I love and what is good for me as a person. Being happy. So yes, comfortable with myself. I like that feeling. I have lapses, for sure. I doubt, I feel bad about myself sometimes. And sometimes I get scared about knowing what I want (or lack thereof). It's not easy. But on the whole, I'm on the path. Woohoo!
Texas has been a pretty exciting place to be lately. I voted, I even caucased! I was proud for the caucusing. I was there for like an hour and 40 minutes waiting outside - waiting to have my vote counted a 2nd time. Very weird system. But I like the energy, I like that everyone is excited, hopeful, involved. I'm a little sad she won Texas, but we shall see. Crazy close! Yay for being part of the democracy and having my vote count!
OK, that is all. I hear tomorrow about my paper getting into the conference or not - wish me luck!
In other news, the boy said the other day that I am very comfortable with myself, that he likes that. Made me smile. It's part of becoming the best me, becoming who I really want to be. Being all I ever wanted to be, and maybe more. Impressing myself - being proud of myself! Some people made some comments to me about how I was in Jamaica, and that's the first time I think I felt it - like I was radiating. So together, so happy, so confident. Comfortable in my own skin. And knowing myself - knowing what I want. Part of it then (and now) is showing off my new body. It does make me confident in appearance. But it's also like I'm unstoppable. I believe I can do anything, anything I want to. And I'm doing awesome stuff for myself, doing what I love and what is good for me as a person. Being happy. So yes, comfortable with myself. I like that feeling. I have lapses, for sure. I doubt, I feel bad about myself sometimes. And sometimes I get scared about knowing what I want (or lack thereof). It's not easy. But on the whole, I'm on the path. Woohoo!
Texas has been a pretty exciting place to be lately. I voted, I even caucased! I was proud for the caucusing. I was there for like an hour and 40 minutes waiting outside - waiting to have my vote counted a 2nd time. Very weird system. But I like the energy, I like that everyone is excited, hopeful, involved. I'm a little sad she won Texas, but we shall see. Crazy close! Yay for being part of the democracy and having my vote count!
OK, that is all. I hear tomorrow about my paper getting into the conference or not - wish me luck!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Life is a Ride... And One to Smile About
Or... "Work in Progress" - that was my other title. Seems the title I used is more happy and summarily whereas "Work in Progress" is positive, but has to be explained :-).
So... I haven't written in awhile. I needed a break - and maybe you did too. To be honest I was in a dark place for December and January. I had some stuff to work out, and I really didn't want to voice it here. Or maybe I couldn't - hence the "working out". Mostly mental stuff - in my head. And while I was having fun on the outside - returning from New York and seeing friends, then seeing family for Christmas and all... Well, on the inside I was a tornado. And it just took me awhile to come out of it. And I didn't want to be all negative on here necessarily.
But... I'm happy to report I'm out of it! I feel SO much better. And, well, I don't know if I can tell you why. There are reasons of course :-). But some of it just got figured out up there. It is about perspective, but I couldn't just snap my fingers and change mine. It took time. But I'm happy again! I'm smiley. And, as my title says - "Life is a Ride". It really is. I feel like I've been through so much and I wouldn't give up any of it. I am the person I am today through it all - because of it all, and everything I have experienced better prepares me for my interactions today, and in the future. I am still becoming the calm, happy, successful, healthy person I want to be, but I am her too. Hence, "work in progress". I've been talking to various people recently about this concept, this concept which I love. Like "When will I have it all figured out?" The answer is I won't, and I don't want to! See, that's the point of life for me, that and challenging myself. If I'm not growing, not pushing boundaries, not figuring it all out over again and redefining things, well, I wouldn't be happy. I'm always changing, I'm always discovering new things about the world, about people, about me. Accepting new input and mushing it into my "world model". And I love that. I always want to be figuring it out, to be challenging myself like that - to not feel static or stationary or "done". I love being a work in progress, and so - that's what I'll be. I'll let you know when to wear a hard hat when interacting with me ;-). But you don't need to often...
So, why the smiling? Well, first: Research. Research has been going well! And how much have I said that in the last 3 years? I love my new project, I can really get into it and sink my teeth in. I went and had a heart-to-heart with my advisor and told her "Listen - I really need this to work, and I need you to be really involved, because I'm at the end of a rope here", and she, well, she tried to step up anyway. Result was that we submitted a paper a couple of weeks ago. Although of course she was MIA the week of the deadline because she was visiting Australia, I was so proud of the paper, of being able to submit, of having work I was proud of and worked hard on! It was just a relief. And I really do think this stuff is going to be my thesis. Let's hope so! Then another FABULOUS thing in research - I GOT THE NSF AWARD TO RESEARCH IN AUSTRALIA this summer! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Not only do I get paid to go live in Australia, but I get a bonus on my resume as well! And I get to work with an awesome researcher in Australia (who's sometimes better than my advisor). Plus - you know I'm gonna travel down there. So, yippee for life's opportunities - the ride of life.
Second: Exercise. YOu know I love it. Since the 2nd week in January I've been exercising 2 hours per day Mon-Thursday and then more on weekends. It's a hard schedule, but I'm so proud of myself! I've been losing weight again, and eating well and being healthy. I have been loving Kung Fu. And I love my Coached Swim class where our coach kicks our butt, but it's worth it. Did I tell you that now I swim a mile or more every time I go swim (twice a week)? Remember last summer when I swam a mile for the first time!! Upwards, baby - only way to go! Then, of course, more running and biking (with Aunt Janelle's awesome road bike). And I started a tennis club with friends on weekends, so I'm doing that again. And sometimes hiking. I'm a glutton, really! And it's nice just to be in 1 place and have a schedule and not worry so much about future plans or trips. Ah :-).
Thirdly, but not lastly: People. YOu've heard me say it before - I love people. They make me joyful in life, and they are almost the only thing that does. And, well, they are awesome. I really do feel like I have a family here. I love the house I live in (despite some of Tom's control issues). I'm really bonding with roommates lately (despite new guy). I have brought some Austin friends closer which is awesome. They are really there for me. And I mourn my friends who I hang out with sometimes who might be gone when I get back from Australia. But I do have close bonds here, and for that I'm happy. I am fulfilled. It really is a simple equation. But... to be honest about the smiling, really - I have to tell you that a boy is involved. Now, don't get all excited - I'm just dating, but it's nice to be dating again. It's nice to get nervous when he calls, or wonder what he's thinking or try and figure someone new out or look forward to spending time with someone. Someone cool and sweet. So :-). Giddy - I'm smiling now just writing. Just a dash of excitement, eh? After all, girls just want to have fun! Unchartered territory, and scary, but fun. And worth it. :-).
Oh yeah and another thing - I love my city. I love Austin, love being outside in it. Love what it offers. I've got this whole "microcosm/macrocosm" thing going in my head. Get to know your house, your neighborhood, your city, your state, your country, your continent, and the world. Sure, you can only do what you can. But walk/bike your city - get to know it. Then get to know the world, too. All the different levels are worth it!
So, that is me right now. That is life. I'm living it up, living in the moment, feeling happy. I have things to look forward to. I have "blessings" to be grateful for. I'm happy to be me, to be where I am. To be a "work in progress".
So... I haven't written in awhile. I needed a break - and maybe you did too. To be honest I was in a dark place for December and January. I had some stuff to work out, and I really didn't want to voice it here. Or maybe I couldn't - hence the "working out". Mostly mental stuff - in my head. And while I was having fun on the outside - returning from New York and seeing friends, then seeing family for Christmas and all... Well, on the inside I was a tornado. And it just took me awhile to come out of it. And I didn't want to be all negative on here necessarily.
But... I'm happy to report I'm out of it! I feel SO much better. And, well, I don't know if I can tell you why. There are reasons of course :-). But some of it just got figured out up there. It is about perspective, but I couldn't just snap my fingers and change mine. It took time. But I'm happy again! I'm smiley. And, as my title says - "Life is a Ride". It really is. I feel like I've been through so much and I wouldn't give up any of it. I am the person I am today through it all - because of it all, and everything I have experienced better prepares me for my interactions today, and in the future. I am still becoming the calm, happy, successful, healthy person I want to be, but I am her too. Hence, "work in progress". I've been talking to various people recently about this concept, this concept which I love. Like "When will I have it all figured out?" The answer is I won't, and I don't want to! See, that's the point of life for me, that and challenging myself. If I'm not growing, not pushing boundaries, not figuring it all out over again and redefining things, well, I wouldn't be happy. I'm always changing, I'm always discovering new things about the world, about people, about me. Accepting new input and mushing it into my "world model". And I love that. I always want to be figuring it out, to be challenging myself like that - to not feel static or stationary or "done". I love being a work in progress, and so - that's what I'll be. I'll let you know when to wear a hard hat when interacting with me ;-). But you don't need to often...
So, why the smiling? Well, first: Research. Research has been going well! And how much have I said that in the last 3 years? I love my new project, I can really get into it and sink my teeth in. I went and had a heart-to-heart with my advisor and told her "Listen - I really need this to work, and I need you to be really involved, because I'm at the end of a rope here", and she, well, she tried to step up anyway. Result was that we submitted a paper a couple of weeks ago. Although of course she was MIA the week of the deadline because she was visiting Australia, I was so proud of the paper, of being able to submit, of having work I was proud of and worked hard on! It was just a relief. And I really do think this stuff is going to be my thesis. Let's hope so! Then another FABULOUS thing in research - I GOT THE NSF AWARD TO RESEARCH IN AUSTRALIA this summer! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Not only do I get paid to go live in Australia, but I get a bonus on my resume as well! And I get to work with an awesome researcher in Australia (who's sometimes better than my advisor). Plus - you know I'm gonna travel down there. So, yippee for life's opportunities - the ride of life.
Second: Exercise. YOu know I love it. Since the 2nd week in January I've been exercising 2 hours per day Mon-Thursday and then more on weekends. It's a hard schedule, but I'm so proud of myself! I've been losing weight again, and eating well and being healthy. I have been loving Kung Fu. And I love my Coached Swim class where our coach kicks our butt, but it's worth it. Did I tell you that now I swim a mile or more every time I go swim (twice a week)? Remember last summer when I swam a mile for the first time!! Upwards, baby - only way to go! Then, of course, more running and biking (with Aunt Janelle's awesome road bike). And I started a tennis club with friends on weekends, so I'm doing that again. And sometimes hiking. I'm a glutton, really! And it's nice just to be in 1 place and have a schedule and not worry so much about future plans or trips. Ah :-).
Thirdly, but not lastly: People. YOu've heard me say it before - I love people. They make me joyful in life, and they are almost the only thing that does. And, well, they are awesome. I really do feel like I have a family here. I love the house I live in (despite some of Tom's control issues). I'm really bonding with roommates lately (despite new guy). I have brought some Austin friends closer which is awesome. They are really there for me. And I mourn my friends who I hang out with sometimes who might be gone when I get back from Australia. But I do have close bonds here, and for that I'm happy. I am fulfilled. It really is a simple equation. But... to be honest about the smiling, really - I have to tell you that a boy is involved. Now, don't get all excited - I'm just dating, but it's nice to be dating again. It's nice to get nervous when he calls, or wonder what he's thinking or try and figure someone new out or look forward to spending time with someone. Someone cool and sweet. So :-). Giddy - I'm smiling now just writing. Just a dash of excitement, eh? After all, girls just want to have fun! Unchartered territory, and scary, but fun. And worth it. :-).
Oh yeah and another thing - I love my city. I love Austin, love being outside in it. Love what it offers. I've got this whole "microcosm/macrocosm" thing going in my head. Get to know your house, your neighborhood, your city, your state, your country, your continent, and the world. Sure, you can only do what you can. But walk/bike your city - get to know it. Then get to know the world, too. All the different levels are worth it!
So, that is me right now. That is life. I'm living it up, living in the moment, feeling happy. I have things to look forward to. I have "blessings" to be grateful for. I'm happy to be me, to be where I am. To be a "work in progress".
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Christmas in the Desert - Discovering New Realms
BTW, family news in BOLD below...
Where to begin with thoughts swirling in my head? Here are some Jenn quotes to start you off:
I feel like I'm "viewing the world again with my eyes open".
"Being alone does not make me lonely; being with people does."
And an interesting fact:
Between November 20 and December 26 (5 weeks), I slept for at least a week in each of the 4 time zones in the US. I'm crazy!
So here I am, in the Phoenix airport traveling back home to Austin. Definitely going home. Arizona isn't my home anymore. It feels a bit foreign. Ah, the desert is beautiful though. But this particular desert is very spread out, and very dry. Those are the parts I dislike a lot. My face started flaking even though I lotioned it twice a day. And the space seems like such a waste after New York! Intersections with 5 lanes going each way that it takes 5 minutes to get through. Maybe because I was staying in Paradise Valley and driving down to Chandler pretty often did I notice how spread out this city really is. But geez man! But oh the mountains are pretty, and the sun shines very bright. But did you know temperatures are colder in the desert? Sure, it's warmer, but I swear because of the lack of moisture in the air, 70 in the desert really does warrant a jacket whereas in New York it didn't.
So, I spent from Wednesday night to Sunday afternoon in Phoenix, staying with my Grandpa's cousin (who is really cool), visiting some high school friends, and spending time with my Dad (aka his wife's family). I had fun. I exercised everyday and ate well. I saw my friends new baby - a 5 day old! I had lunch with my old friend. I went on a walk with a 10 month old. I went bowling and got my best score (if my memory serves): 138! Although the bumpers helped :-). Yeah, so quiet, but fun. I loved the morning ritual at Jonae's house: a bowl of cut up fruit and nuts and raisins with fresh orange (from their tree) juice squeezed on.
Then Sunday afternoon to Thursday afternoon was spent in Tucson (with the long, familiar drive in between the 2 cities) with my brother and his wife. Met up with Mom and Bruce as well. And I sorta explicitly didn't want to be a tourist here - just wanted to be with family. In Tucson we played with the dog Boo a lot (center of Matt and Toni's universe), hiked up Sabino Canyon, played games, ate, did presents, went to the Pima Air and Space Museum to see old planes (cool), saw a movie - "I Am Legend" which was a bit disappointing, and played on the Wii!! I tried tennis, bowling, the bunny dance game, the new Mario game, and DDR! Good fun. The neat thing about this visit also was that
MY BROTHER IS EXPECTING!
Ok, so his wife is pregnant and due July 10th, 2008!! I can't believe it. :-). I can, but I can't too - my brother said he'd never have kids. But it'll be super exciting for them, and for the family!
So, I feel like I'm re-experiencing the world now with my eyes open. Don't particularly remember my eyes being closed before, but I feel so much more aware, so much more like I'm gathering knowledge. I am understanding family members more, and thus myself more. I understand a few more dimensions of my parents now that I spent some time with them. And it was really interesting to see my brother and his wife interact. They are really good together - a good pair, despite some of my brother's oddities :-). And I saw Jonae and Don - my grandfather's cousin and her husband. They are also very good together, although very different people. It was cute to see them interact, and have each of them fulfill their particular duties of the relationship. And know the failings of each other, but deal with them well. So I came up with this way of thinking of things: realms. Everyone lives in their own realm. And I have been traveling between other people's realms and discovering their cultures. The cultures of houses, of people-units. I go to my friend's houses, and I'm let into their world. And I experience that - what they have in the fridge, what entertainment they choose to participate in. Their sphere of life. They let me in to experience their realm, and I gather information. How people interact, expectations, norms. You can glean a lot from staying with people. And not all of it can be put into words - it's just an understanding. And you can use that understanding to interact better with these people. But sometimes it's elucidates things about yourself too - your own norms or differences. I have some baseline realm, but mine is floating. Mine involves exercise everyday and reading before I go to bed. But as far as a home realm - I don't feel I have one. And I want one. I love gathering knowledge, but I'm tired now. I want my own sphere, my own comfort zone. Wouldn't it be nice if I could invite people over to my home? They could experience my norms? Learn about me? But right now - I'm the nomad, the adaptive one. I go out, seeking things for myself. But seldom do people come in. I miss a realm. And while I have my own cultures and things I like to do, one of my primary things it making other people happy. So, my realm at its best involves another person to help form it. I miss it. I don't want to just experience other people's realms. I want my own. And, through the end of Manhattan and even now... I have this sense of waiting. I'm waiting for my life to really begin. I'm in an interim - just filling time. Waiting... Waiting is tiring.
Where to begin with thoughts swirling in my head? Here are some Jenn quotes to start you off:
I feel like I'm "viewing the world again with my eyes open".
"Being alone does not make me lonely; being with people does."
And an interesting fact:
Between November 20 and December 26 (5 weeks), I slept for at least a week in each of the 4 time zones in the US. I'm crazy!
So here I am, in the Phoenix airport traveling back home to Austin. Definitely going home. Arizona isn't my home anymore. It feels a bit foreign. Ah, the desert is beautiful though. But this particular desert is very spread out, and very dry. Those are the parts I dislike a lot. My face started flaking even though I lotioned it twice a day. And the space seems like such a waste after New York! Intersections with 5 lanes going each way that it takes 5 minutes to get through. Maybe because I was staying in Paradise Valley and driving down to Chandler pretty often did I notice how spread out this city really is. But geez man! But oh the mountains are pretty, and the sun shines very bright. But did you know temperatures are colder in the desert? Sure, it's warmer, but I swear because of the lack of moisture in the air, 70 in the desert really does warrant a jacket whereas in New York it didn't.
So, I spent from Wednesday night to Sunday afternoon in Phoenix, staying with my Grandpa's cousin (who is really cool), visiting some high school friends, and spending time with my Dad (aka his wife's family). I had fun. I exercised everyday and ate well. I saw my friends new baby - a 5 day old! I had lunch with my old friend. I went on a walk with a 10 month old. I went bowling and got my best score (if my memory serves): 138! Although the bumpers helped :-). Yeah, so quiet, but fun. I loved the morning ritual at Jonae's house: a bowl of cut up fruit and nuts and raisins with fresh orange (from their tree) juice squeezed on.
Then Sunday afternoon to Thursday afternoon was spent in Tucson (with the long, familiar drive in between the 2 cities) with my brother and his wife. Met up with Mom and Bruce as well. And I sorta explicitly didn't want to be a tourist here - just wanted to be with family. In Tucson we played with the dog Boo a lot (center of Matt and Toni's universe), hiked up Sabino Canyon, played games, ate, did presents, went to the Pima Air and Space Museum to see old planes (cool), saw a movie - "I Am Legend" which was a bit disappointing, and played on the Wii!! I tried tennis, bowling, the bunny dance game, the new Mario game, and DDR! Good fun. The neat thing about this visit also was that
MY BROTHER IS EXPECTING!
Ok, so his wife is pregnant and due July 10th, 2008!! I can't believe it. :-). I can, but I can't too - my brother said he'd never have kids. But it'll be super exciting for them, and for the family!
So, I feel like I'm re-experiencing the world now with my eyes open. Don't particularly remember my eyes being closed before, but I feel so much more aware, so much more like I'm gathering knowledge. I am understanding family members more, and thus myself more. I understand a few more dimensions of my parents now that I spent some time with them. And it was really interesting to see my brother and his wife interact. They are really good together - a good pair, despite some of my brother's oddities :-). And I saw Jonae and Don - my grandfather's cousin and her husband. They are also very good together, although very different people. It was cute to see them interact, and have each of them fulfill their particular duties of the relationship. And know the failings of each other, but deal with them well. So I came up with this way of thinking of things: realms. Everyone lives in their own realm. And I have been traveling between other people's realms and discovering their cultures. The cultures of houses, of people-units. I go to my friend's houses, and I'm let into their world. And I experience that - what they have in the fridge, what entertainment they choose to participate in. Their sphere of life. They let me in to experience their realm, and I gather information. How people interact, expectations, norms. You can glean a lot from staying with people. And not all of it can be put into words - it's just an understanding. And you can use that understanding to interact better with these people. But sometimes it's elucidates things about yourself too - your own norms or differences. I have some baseline realm, but mine is floating. Mine involves exercise everyday and reading before I go to bed. But as far as a home realm - I don't feel I have one. And I want one. I love gathering knowledge, but I'm tired now. I want my own sphere, my own comfort zone. Wouldn't it be nice if I could invite people over to my home? They could experience my norms? Learn about me? But right now - I'm the nomad, the adaptive one. I go out, seeking things for myself. But seldom do people come in. I miss a realm. And while I have my own cultures and things I like to do, one of my primary things it making other people happy. So, my realm at its best involves another person to help form it. I miss it. I don't want to just experience other people's realms. I want my own. And, through the end of Manhattan and even now... I have this sense of waiting. I'm waiting for my life to really begin. I'm in an interim - just filling time. Waiting... Waiting is tiring.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Vulnerabilities
So, I do intend to continue blogging, but it might be more sparse. Maybe I should blog more often and with fewer words, but my style tends to be deep and verbose instead. We will see.
So... I am back in Austin. My HOME. I cannot tell you what that has meant to me - what I have discovered that means to me because I spent so long away from it. Although I can feel isolated (see later paragraphs), I am not really alone here. I MATTER here. People care about me. People smile to see me, notice when I'm sad, notice when I'm gone. I have a family here, although no one I'm related to. I feel very close to people, and it's getting closer and I love it. Just warmth, goodness. I need a new word - something like pervasive love, but not romantic love, just people love. Damn the English language not having more words for love :-).
So, I have done some wonderful things these last 2 weeks back. I won't tell you about all of them - now I'm going to focus on feelings. But suffice it to say that I ate very few meals alone. Friends are awesome. I did the several things I really wanted to do upon coming back to Austin - hike, haircut, massage, and the Trail of Lights in Zilker Park. I continue to swim, and now a mile isn't so tough - it's the normal workout :-). I took my bike for a spin last weekend up and down Shoal Creek which was fun despite the whipping cold wind. And I played tennis this morning with Mike which was awesome and I am really going to get back into tennis now (that's the plan). I'm BACK, in short, and having fun!
But... more about self discovery. I've been doing a lot of talking with friends. Deep talking. A few of us came to the conclusion that to be close to people, you have to expose your vulnerabilities to them. Really. What drives people to be close in general? What makes 2 friends best friends? What makes relationship partners so intimate? Exposing some part of yourself - showing your vulnerabilities, your under belly. You share your secrets, things you worry about. Sure, there's some amount of shared experiences, too, but these serve to exhibit your good and bad qualities to your friends more. So, how do you make close friends? You have to open up - open yourself up and share something deep with them, something maybe a little scary or embarrassing. Then, they usually respond and know more about you, and open up in kind. So I've been having this more deeper talks with friends. And, while it's sometimes exhausting - sort of like a relationship - it's so worth it in the end. I feel more emotionally close to my friends. Sometimes it makes me vulnerable - maybe a little dependent on them. But as long as I keep things in mind, it's really rewarding. And seeing how different people are, and how they respond differently to things, or how they work differently is so interesting to me! So I do thrive on it. I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot about me, too - I tend to shelter myself somewhat, to protect myself. To curl up into a ball - physically and emotionally, when I feel threatened. But, people can get me out of that ball too. Caring goes a long way. And boy do I compartmentalize things. Separate things or people or experiences in my head. Maybe it's some rationalization or coping mechanism. It's very interesting. I didn't know other people don't do this! Or at least find it exhausting. Another thing I'm good at :-).
Recently I had some one on one time with Justin. We've never had that before, and it was mostly because I didn't understand his way of operating. He's not a big feeling-talker, he hates redundancy, and is pretty blunt. But we went to the Trail of Lights together. BTW, my favorite part was getting dizzy spinning under the big tree of lights. Awesome :-). But it was actually fabulous to have a deeper life talk with Justin. He showed care and concern and wanted to be closer to me. And I was glad because I really appreciated that, and enjoyed talking to him. I understand him a lot better now - I can incorporate his different personality into my understanding. So I'm happy about the bonding. I can have close male friends!
Although, with all of my break-throughs, I recently (last weekend) freaked out. I know why I freaked out, and I am justified. Unfortunately it happened at a party - I had to sit on the stairs and cry for awhile. But friends were there. But what I realized is that I shouldn't be with my friends. Let me 'splain. I had just come from a happy hour (or several hours) celebrating 2 friend's engagement. I went to a Karaoke party at another friend's house where everyone was coupled but me (I'm pretty sure). And the fact that all of my friends are engaged, married, or having babies just got to me. It's not that I don't think I can find someone wonderful for me. It's not that I don't believe I'm wonderful. It's that, even with all the awesome friends that I have, at the end of the day I go home alone and don't have that person to dump on or feel intimate with. Even that, actually, is fine. It's actually that no one else is where I am, to share my experience of trying to date at 27. Actually most of my friends haven't even dated post-college. They don't know what it's like - they can't relate! They are set for life without this uncertainty. I'm the one who has to go out and meet people again and try to be gregarious (even though I want to be curmudgeony and not meet new people). I'm the one who needs to stop hanging out with my friends (who are all known and paired) so I can actually do new activities and meet new people. And I'm the one who isn't exactly at the point in life which I wanted to be at by now. So, while some experiences can be shared, I can still feel isolated from those around me. And that makes me sad. I have worked through it now, and I feel better. And I feel better hanging out with my roommates who are older and single(ish). And I am hanging out with Mary more - Mary is awesome. Kung Fu friend who is around 32 and single. She reminds me of my sister sometimes :-). So, I'll make it. There are some hard times, but I'm strong, I'm optimistic. I'm still having a ton of fun.
And btw, I finally had time this last weekend to re-organize my room! I unpacked 5 boxes and 2.5 suitcases to put my room back together. So my room isn't a cyclone anymore, and it's great to feel I have my space back! I do love my room, my house, my living situation. Fun Austin living.
Alrighty - off to Arizona for Christmasy stuff. Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night.
So... I am back in Austin. My HOME. I cannot tell you what that has meant to me - what I have discovered that means to me because I spent so long away from it. Although I can feel isolated (see later paragraphs), I am not really alone here. I MATTER here. People care about me. People smile to see me, notice when I'm sad, notice when I'm gone. I have a family here, although no one I'm related to. I feel very close to people, and it's getting closer and I love it. Just warmth, goodness. I need a new word - something like pervasive love, but not romantic love, just people love. Damn the English language not having more words for love :-).
So, I have done some wonderful things these last 2 weeks back. I won't tell you about all of them - now I'm going to focus on feelings. But suffice it to say that I ate very few meals alone. Friends are awesome. I did the several things I really wanted to do upon coming back to Austin - hike, haircut, massage, and the Trail of Lights in Zilker Park. I continue to swim, and now a mile isn't so tough - it's the normal workout :-). I took my bike for a spin last weekend up and down Shoal Creek which was fun despite the whipping cold wind. And I played tennis this morning with Mike which was awesome and I am really going to get back into tennis now (that's the plan). I'm BACK, in short, and having fun!
But... more about self discovery. I've been doing a lot of talking with friends. Deep talking. A few of us came to the conclusion that to be close to people, you have to expose your vulnerabilities to them. Really. What drives people to be close in general? What makes 2 friends best friends? What makes relationship partners so intimate? Exposing some part of yourself - showing your vulnerabilities, your under belly. You share your secrets, things you worry about. Sure, there's some amount of shared experiences, too, but these serve to exhibit your good and bad qualities to your friends more. So, how do you make close friends? You have to open up - open yourself up and share something deep with them, something maybe a little scary or embarrassing. Then, they usually respond and know more about you, and open up in kind. So I've been having this more deeper talks with friends. And, while it's sometimes exhausting - sort of like a relationship - it's so worth it in the end. I feel more emotionally close to my friends. Sometimes it makes me vulnerable - maybe a little dependent on them. But as long as I keep things in mind, it's really rewarding. And seeing how different people are, and how they respond differently to things, or how they work differently is so interesting to me! So I do thrive on it. I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot about me, too - I tend to shelter myself somewhat, to protect myself. To curl up into a ball - physically and emotionally, when I feel threatened. But, people can get me out of that ball too. Caring goes a long way. And boy do I compartmentalize things. Separate things or people or experiences in my head. Maybe it's some rationalization or coping mechanism. It's very interesting. I didn't know other people don't do this! Or at least find it exhausting. Another thing I'm good at :-).
Recently I had some one on one time with Justin. We've never had that before, and it was mostly because I didn't understand his way of operating. He's not a big feeling-talker, he hates redundancy, and is pretty blunt. But we went to the Trail of Lights together. BTW, my favorite part was getting dizzy spinning under the big tree of lights. Awesome :-). But it was actually fabulous to have a deeper life talk with Justin. He showed care and concern and wanted to be closer to me. And I was glad because I really appreciated that, and enjoyed talking to him. I understand him a lot better now - I can incorporate his different personality into my understanding. So I'm happy about the bonding. I can have close male friends!
Although, with all of my break-throughs, I recently (last weekend) freaked out. I know why I freaked out, and I am justified. Unfortunately it happened at a party - I had to sit on the stairs and cry for awhile. But friends were there. But what I realized is that I shouldn't be with my friends. Let me 'splain. I had just come from a happy hour (or several hours) celebrating 2 friend's engagement. I went to a Karaoke party at another friend's house where everyone was coupled but me (I'm pretty sure). And the fact that all of my friends are engaged, married, or having babies just got to me. It's not that I don't think I can find someone wonderful for me. It's not that I don't believe I'm wonderful. It's that, even with all the awesome friends that I have, at the end of the day I go home alone and don't have that person to dump on or feel intimate with. Even that, actually, is fine. It's actually that no one else is where I am, to share my experience of trying to date at 27. Actually most of my friends haven't even dated post-college. They don't know what it's like - they can't relate! They are set for life without this uncertainty. I'm the one who has to go out and meet people again and try to be gregarious (even though I want to be curmudgeony and not meet new people). I'm the one who needs to stop hanging out with my friends (who are all known and paired) so I can actually do new activities and meet new people. And I'm the one who isn't exactly at the point in life which I wanted to be at by now. So, while some experiences can be shared, I can still feel isolated from those around me. And that makes me sad. I have worked through it now, and I feel better. And I feel better hanging out with my roommates who are older and single(ish). And I am hanging out with Mary more - Mary is awesome. Kung Fu friend who is around 32 and single. She reminds me of my sister sometimes :-). So, I'll make it. There are some hard times, but I'm strong, I'm optimistic. I'm still having a ton of fun.
And btw, I finally had time this last weekend to re-organize my room! I unpacked 5 boxes and 2.5 suitcases to put my room back together. So my room isn't a cyclone anymore, and it's great to feel I have my space back! I do love my room, my house, my living situation. Fun Austin living.
Alrighty - off to Arizona for Christmasy stuff. Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Christmas in NYC Pictures
More pictures! (See last post for others).
Union Square all snowy:
Rockefeller Center:
And the rest...
Pretty NYC
Union Square all snowy:
Rockefeller Center:
And the rest...
Pretty NYC
Pictures of my crazy Union Square Apartment
HI! So life is crazy, I am busy and happy and enjoying Austin SO much! My friends are awesome :-). And swimming and Kung Fu are awesome. It's good to be back.
FYI - I am in Arizona for Christmas Dec 19 - Dec 28. I am really happy about going to see friends and family there!
So in the meantime I've been organizing pictures. I wanted to post some of the last crazy apartment I lived in in New York City by Union Square. Put some pictures to the words :-).
My bedroom, the big room:
Big room plus kitchen:
The room with the skylight and door on the right goes to the bathroom:
The big room's radiator:
My roomate's larger radiator:
If you want to see more:
16th St. Apartment
FYI - I am in Arizona for Christmas Dec 19 - Dec 28. I am really happy about going to see friends and family there!
So in the meantime I've been organizing pictures. I wanted to post some of the last crazy apartment I lived in in New York City by Union Square. Put some pictures to the words :-).
My bedroom, the big room:
Big room plus kitchen:
The room with the skylight and door on the right goes to the bathroom:
The big room's radiator:
My roomate's larger radiator:
If you want to see more:
16th St. Apartment
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