Christmas in the Desert - Discovering New Realms

BTW, family news in BOLD below...

Where to begin with thoughts swirling in my head? Here are some Jenn quotes to start you off:

I feel like I'm "viewing the world again with my eyes open".
"Being alone does not make me lonely; being with people does."

And an interesting fact:
Between November 20 and December 26 (5 weeks), I slept for at least a week in each of the 4 time zones in the US. I'm crazy!

So here I am, in the Phoenix airport traveling back home to Austin. Definitely going home. Arizona isn't my home anymore. It feels a bit foreign. Ah, the desert is beautiful though. But this particular desert is very spread out, and very dry. Those are the parts I dislike a lot. My face started flaking even though I lotioned it twice a day. And the space seems like such a waste after New York! Intersections with 5 lanes going each way that it takes 5 minutes to get through. Maybe because I was staying in Paradise Valley and driving down to Chandler pretty often did I notice how spread out this city really is. But geez man! But oh the mountains are pretty, and the sun shines very bright. But did you know temperatures are colder in the desert? Sure, it's warmer, but I swear because of the lack of moisture in the air, 70 in the desert really does warrant a jacket whereas in New York it didn't.

So, I spent from Wednesday night to Sunday afternoon in Phoenix, staying with my Grandpa's cousin (who is really cool), visiting some high school friends, and spending time with my Dad (aka his wife's family). I had fun. I exercised everyday and ate well. I saw my friends new baby - a 5 day old! I had lunch with my old friend. I went on a walk with a 10 month old. I went bowling and got my best score (if my memory serves): 138! Although the bumpers helped :-). Yeah, so quiet, but fun. I loved the morning ritual at Jonae's house: a bowl of cut up fruit and nuts and raisins with fresh orange (from their tree) juice squeezed on.

Then Sunday afternoon to Thursday afternoon was spent in Tucson (with the long, familiar drive in between the 2 cities) with my brother and his wife. Met up with Mom and Bruce as well. And I sorta explicitly didn't want to be a tourist here - just wanted to be with family. In Tucson we played with the dog Boo a lot (center of Matt and Toni's universe), hiked up Sabino Canyon, played games, ate, did presents, went to the Pima Air and Space Museum to see old planes (cool), saw a movie - "I Am Legend" which was a bit disappointing, and played on the Wii!! I tried tennis, bowling, the bunny dance game, the new Mario game, and DDR! Good fun. The neat thing about this visit also was that
MY BROTHER IS EXPECTING!
Ok, so his wife is pregnant and due July 10th, 2008!! I can't believe it. :-). I can, but I can't too - my brother said he'd never have kids. But it'll be super exciting for them, and for the family!

So, I feel like I'm re-experiencing the world now with my eyes open. Don't particularly remember my eyes being closed before, but I feel so much more aware, so much more like I'm gathering knowledge. I am understanding family members more, and thus myself more. I understand a few more dimensions of my parents now that I spent some time with them. And it was really interesting to see my brother and his wife interact. They are really good together - a good pair, despite some of my brother's oddities :-). And I saw Jonae and Don - my grandfather's cousin and her husband. They are also very good together, although very different people. It was cute to see them interact, and have each of them fulfill their particular duties of the relationship. And know the failings of each other, but deal with them well. So I came up with this way of thinking of things: realms. Everyone lives in their own realm. And I have been traveling between other people's realms and discovering their cultures. The cultures of houses, of people-units. I go to my friend's houses, and I'm let into their world. And I experience that - what they have in the fridge, what entertainment they choose to participate in. Their sphere of life. They let me in to experience their realm, and I gather information. How people interact, expectations, norms. You can glean a lot from staying with people. And not all of it can be put into words - it's just an understanding. And you can use that understanding to interact better with these people. But sometimes it's elucidates things about yourself too - your own norms or differences. I have some baseline realm, but mine is floating. Mine involves exercise everyday and reading before I go to bed. But as far as a home realm - I don't feel I have one. And I want one. I love gathering knowledge, but I'm tired now. I want my own sphere, my own comfort zone. Wouldn't it be nice if I could invite people over to my home? They could experience my norms? Learn about me? But right now - I'm the nomad, the adaptive one. I go out, seeking things for myself. But seldom do people come in. I miss a realm. And while I have my own cultures and things I like to do, one of my primary things it making other people happy. So, my realm at its best involves another person to help form it. I miss it. I don't want to just experience other people's realms. I want my own. And, through the end of Manhattan and even now... I have this sense of waiting. I'm waiting for my life to really begin. I'm in an interim - just filling time. Waiting... Waiting is tiring.