So Tuesday night was hard, but it's gotten easier. I really think us being long distance helps because I am used to being alone and being independent and filling my time. So I'm trying to focus on that, and on the future.
So I did go swimming Tuesday night and that was great. I ended up swimming 32 laps! Met my goal of swimming a mile (and then some)! It was exhausting but really rewarding. Was proud of myself. Glad I was able to take advantage of the pool and do some swimming in the park this summer!
Then I road around the park on my bike Wednesday evening - did my 10 mile bike! I do love riding around the park - it's very pretty. And I did laundry that night - very exciting. But was feeling up and more confident.
So Thursday the office shut early - they are shutting down the whole building and networks and everything for the 4 day weekend ( we got Friday off!). So although it was sad to see Shan Shan and Emina at IBM for the last time, it was nice to leave early. I went to a fun dance thing in Central Park that was fun - learning to Disco dance! There were good dancers as our teachers, and a neat DJ. Danced to Stayin Alive. I got a big grin on my face when "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" came on :-). I mostly danced with some older black women - trying to get down the quick-quick, slow-slow pattern (back right, front left, front right, front left). I kept wanting to do jitterbug instead. But got a few fun male partners that were neat to dance with - made me happy to dance and just hang out. The guys were very turny - sometimes I had a hard time keeping up. But yeah - people watching and chatting with the older black ladies was fun :-). So good adventures in NYC. And then I actually rode my bike over to the east side to check out a possible place to live for the fall! It was interesting - a place in "Dormandy Court" where everyone is fresh out of college. I actually felt a little old and mature compared to that place! The apartment was cute, apartment with 2 other 24 year old girls. Was ok, but not sure it's the area I want to move to.... So will keep looking, but it's exciting that I might get to know a new neighborhood in Manhattan!
So my off day - Friday! Went down to farmers market in front of my house which was fun. Love the fresh stuff! Made me a little sad - thinking of Naveen going all these weeks for us. But then I went to Central Park to take advantage of pool for the last time before it closes on Labor Day! Did only 20 laps this time - it was getting hard and I think I need a bit of a break from swimming for awhile! But glad to get the exercise... Then went downtown to meet Shan Shan and Emina for lunch - ate at a cute French place. Love those girls - we have fun conversations about the stress of Comp Sci, having kids, living in the city, boys, everything! We get along great :-). I feel lucky to have made good friends up here, but know it'll be sad to go to work next week and have them not be there... Then walked downtown and went shopping! Went to a place with discount designer clothes - Loehmans. That was really fun! Bought a new purse because the girls convinced me I need a bigger one to hold an umbrella, camera, everything as things don't all fit in my current purse. Then bought some cute shoes - black flats sorta like ballet shoes! Then found 2 dresses (1 green, 1 black and white) I liked and 1 wool skirt (brown)! Was really excited to find these things and fun to shop with the girls. Really good day. And some good prices :-). We met up with Emina's fiance and walked around a bit, then we met up with some of Emina's friends later for dinner. Had a nice dinner at a cute little place. Then went to a bar. Actually invited another friend of mine from the city - that guy that gave me a ride home from softball who also works at IBM but is finishing law school. So it was good to see him again and have another Manhattan friend. Nice to sorta get to know him, and also have Rishi's number - Emina's good friend from college. So went out drinking for awhile and had a good night on the town! Drank a little too much, unfortunately, but made it home ok :-).
So have some fun plans for the rest of the holiday weekend - going on a bike ride now down the river. Going to check out another possible place to live. Tomorrow I'm meeting Shan Shan for Dim Sum again - in Chinatown. Then think I'll head to Coney Island to check it out! Unfortunately Shan Shan can't come because she has to go back to Boston because of a death in the family :-(. Then the softball friend - Mohammed - said he has tickets for the US Open on Monday, so I guess I get to go twice - really looking forward to it!
Happy Labor DAy weekend everyone! Have fun. I'm blessed with wonderful family and friends!
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
P.S.
Alright I lied. I am sad, and I am lonely, and it's hard. I'm just trying to make it through this. On the up side - I went to the library, got a New York library card, and successfully checked out Harry Potter book 6. Nothing like getting lost in a good fun book :-).
Culture out the ears
Hi all. Thanks for all of your support about Naveen. I really appreciate all your nice words, encouraging statements, and advice. I do feel loved by special people :-). People are always amazing that way. Let me just say I am fine. I actually think although this took awhile for me to understand, I had been slowly getting less vested in the relationship as it required me to be more independent anyway. So although I have cried some, I really do feel, on the whole, strong and confident and excited about my future. I already have my continuing lists of what to do in the city updated. And I feel fairly happy and I know I'll be ok. Here, btw, is the current plan:
Labor Day Weekend: Spend last bits of time with Emina and Shan Shan while they are here. Go to Coney Island. Sleep!
Sept 7 + Weekend: US Open + Christine and Jeff visit! Yay :-).
Sept 15 Weekend: Go to Boston to visit Emina and Aled - yay :-).
Sept 22 Weekend: Weekend in NYC! Do last bits of summer activities - park concerts, storytelling, maybe kayak? Wander.
Sept 29 Weekend: Mom visits - nuf said. Yay :-).
Beginning of October - move somewhere. Also see fall colors.
Mid October - visit Christine in Maryland? Or convince her to meet me in Philadelphia which I've never seen?
First half of November - work hard before PLDI conference deadline which is Nov 15.
Thanksgiving - maybe go visit Grandma?
December 1 or 15 - move back to Austin - yay!
Christmas with the fam.
So that's the plan, and I'm sticking to it. I think the time will fly by. And it'll be interesting to see this city in different seasons!
So, with the culture update. Although there were a lot of chaotic emotions going on, Naveen and I decided to make the best of his last weekend in New York. As I say, the breakup was amiable.
Friday night we went out to a Greek place in West Midtown suggested by our doorman George. It was tasty! Got an awesome cheese and shrimp baked appetizer. I got the traditional Greek Mousaka - kinda like their lasagna which was really tasty. And Naveen got their lamb kabob which was good. I heard their fish is good and I gotta go back for spanikopita sometime!
Saturday was a sleep in day. But finally got up and went to the pool since the weather had been crummy all week and I hadn't been able to swim. The water was chilly, but I forced myself to swim another 26 laps! Was slower, but still proud of myself. And the laps were in the middle of the pool so slightly longer than my normal lap so woohoo! Gotta love the swimming. I'm bummed the pool closes Labor Day. Also met a new friend there who I hope to see swimming this week at the pool - a girl who just moved to the upper east side and does investment baking. Yay maybe I can make friends in the city! So got a late start on the actual day, but finally left the house and took Naveen to the MOMA - Museum of Modern Art. Although neither of us are big fans of modern art, I heard it was a must-see. So we saw modern art. Some was cool - I really liked the architecture section with funky chairs and lamps and functional things. It was neat to see some of the artists whose pieces were there - Picasso, Miro, Matisse, Mondrian, Monet, van Gogh. But I really am not a big fan of the "red canvas with white stripe" being real art. I could've done that! But it was good to go and see it, even if we didn't need more than an hour and a half to see it.
So we actually decided to catch the Riverside Park's production of MacBeth on one of it's last nights and lo and behold it WASN'T raining! So saw MacBeth which was very well-done actually and enjoyable. Nice company. Small crowd. Then we decided to head back down to Grand Central for the famous Oyster Bar Restaurant down there - friends had recommended it. It was nice with wood panels and such. I had some New England clam chowder which was really tasty, and enjoyed 1 of Naveen's oysters. It was a bit fishy. Then we got some fried scallop dish which was ok, and a sampler of 4 seafood salads which was fun. Crab meat caesar salad, poached salmon, squid marinated and on top of a bell pepper, and jumbo shrimp. Pretty good :-). I'm really broadening as far as seafood!
Sunday we got up earlier to meet friends at Dim Sum - this time at a place in the west side. It was fancily decorated with mesh coverings over lights in the shapes of the 12 Chinese zodiac animals. Interesting. It was more hoisty-toity and expensive than our Chinatown place which I liked better. And they tried to force some food on us that we didn't want. Weird. But the food was generally good and the company of course was fabulous - Emina, Aled, Shan Shan, Naveen and I. We definitely nerded out, but also talked about clothes and products too! It's fun to hang out :-). Then we went our separate ways, and we made it down to Battery Park - Naveen and I - because I wanted to see a free modern dance festival I had heard about down there. Unfortunately we got there a bit late and I mostly got to see south Asian dancing - troupes from India or American troupes doing some modern/Indian mix. There was 1 cool group that did a sort of martial arts modern combo with storytelling which was interesting. But I missed the true modern groups which I wanted to see. Oh well. Naveen and I meandered through the city for the rest of teh afternoon. We finally ended up at the famous Carnegie Deli for dinner. Sorta commercial, but the pastrami sandwich was tasty, and the knish - yum. We took home a cheesecake with strawberries on top for later which was really tasty. Yum. And the appetizer - how can I forget - it was a bowl of pickles! That made me happy right away :-).
So all in all it was a good weekend if a bit of a rollercoaster. Naveen was pretty emotional and psycho-analytic while I was sort of trying not to think about things. It was odd, but I'm glad we got to spend time together and talk through some things about the relationship which was good. Nice last times of our era. It was sad to realize we had to split - don't get me wrong, it was very necessary. But we were compatible and had fun in a lot of ways. So yeah, sad. But the right thing.
Monday was another day at work. I need to get back into work - I've been so unfocussed lately and distracted. But it was Emina's birthday, so we went out to a nice dinner for that to a Portugese/Brazilian place with lots of seafood. It was wonderful! So much "enjoy life and good friends" type of conversation. I was the American, and then there was the German+Turkish couple, the Bosnian, and the Chinese girl. Very interesting conversations - about pets, marriage, children, parents, culture, education. Random things. It was so much fun, though - we all got along well. And I somehow was the "enlightened American". Seriously. They all advocated moving away from your parents/family to another state to go to college - thought it was so necessary to growth that you leave your family and get some freedom and not be so under their noses. I think you do need freedom to some extent, but I said that kind of movement was erroding our American family because there is no more extended families and there are only small family units. Then they also argued that we should just standardize and everyone should learn English. But I said that was very arrogant as English speakers, and there's something to languages being part of culture in parts of the world and it's good to learn many languages. They said that since they all had English as a 2nd language, it wasn't arrogant for them to say - it would just be arrogant if I said it :-). Very funny. So again, good people, good conversation. We were at dinner for over 3.5 hours! And don't get me started about our lunch conversation about religion and money and suicide bombers. But anyway - I live for these discussions :-). And the food - Emina and I shared a shellfish rice traditional stew thing - was good (scallops, mussels, clam, shrimp, lobster). I liked their ceremony - they brought out bread and sausage automatically before the meal, and grapes to finish. Fun :-). So I got home late and Naveen and I had some time to say goodbye before he our short sleep and him leaving at 5:30am. I was bleary-eyed and in shock, but it really was good that he finally left. I'm sure it'll take a bit of getting used to, but really - I'll be ok. I know how to fill my schedule :-).
Tata and hope all's well.
Labor Day Weekend: Spend last bits of time with Emina and Shan Shan while they are here. Go to Coney Island. Sleep!
Sept 7 + Weekend: US Open + Christine and Jeff visit! Yay :-).
Sept 15 Weekend: Go to Boston to visit Emina and Aled - yay :-).
Sept 22 Weekend: Weekend in NYC! Do last bits of summer activities - park concerts, storytelling, maybe kayak? Wander.
Sept 29 Weekend: Mom visits - nuf said. Yay :-).
Beginning of October - move somewhere. Also see fall colors.
Mid October - visit Christine in Maryland? Or convince her to meet me in Philadelphia which I've never seen?
First half of November - work hard before PLDI conference deadline which is Nov 15.
Thanksgiving - maybe go visit Grandma?
December 1 or 15 - move back to Austin - yay!
Christmas with the fam.
So that's the plan, and I'm sticking to it. I think the time will fly by. And it'll be interesting to see this city in different seasons!
So, with the culture update. Although there were a lot of chaotic emotions going on, Naveen and I decided to make the best of his last weekend in New York. As I say, the breakup was amiable.
Friday night we went out to a Greek place in West Midtown suggested by our doorman George. It was tasty! Got an awesome cheese and shrimp baked appetizer. I got the traditional Greek Mousaka - kinda like their lasagna which was really tasty. And Naveen got their lamb kabob which was good. I heard their fish is good and I gotta go back for spanikopita sometime!
Saturday was a sleep in day. But finally got up and went to the pool since the weather had been crummy all week and I hadn't been able to swim. The water was chilly, but I forced myself to swim another 26 laps! Was slower, but still proud of myself. And the laps were in the middle of the pool so slightly longer than my normal lap so woohoo! Gotta love the swimming. I'm bummed the pool closes Labor Day. Also met a new friend there who I hope to see swimming this week at the pool - a girl who just moved to the upper east side and does investment baking. Yay maybe I can make friends in the city! So got a late start on the actual day, but finally left the house and took Naveen to the MOMA - Museum of Modern Art. Although neither of us are big fans of modern art, I heard it was a must-see. So we saw modern art. Some was cool - I really liked the architecture section with funky chairs and lamps and functional things. It was neat to see some of the artists whose pieces were there - Picasso, Miro, Matisse, Mondrian, Monet, van Gogh. But I really am not a big fan of the "red canvas with white stripe" being real art. I could've done that! But it was good to go and see it, even if we didn't need more than an hour and a half to see it.
So we actually decided to catch the Riverside Park's production of MacBeth on one of it's last nights and lo and behold it WASN'T raining! So saw MacBeth which was very well-done actually and enjoyable. Nice company. Small crowd. Then we decided to head back down to Grand Central for the famous Oyster Bar Restaurant down there - friends had recommended it. It was nice with wood panels and such. I had some New England clam chowder which was really tasty, and enjoyed 1 of Naveen's oysters. It was a bit fishy. Then we got some fried scallop dish which was ok, and a sampler of 4 seafood salads which was fun. Crab meat caesar salad, poached salmon, squid marinated and on top of a bell pepper, and jumbo shrimp. Pretty good :-). I'm really broadening as far as seafood!
Sunday we got up earlier to meet friends at Dim Sum - this time at a place in the west side. It was fancily decorated with mesh coverings over lights in the shapes of the 12 Chinese zodiac animals. Interesting. It was more hoisty-toity and expensive than our Chinatown place which I liked better. And they tried to force some food on us that we didn't want. Weird. But the food was generally good and the company of course was fabulous - Emina, Aled, Shan Shan, Naveen and I. We definitely nerded out, but also talked about clothes and products too! It's fun to hang out :-). Then we went our separate ways, and we made it down to Battery Park - Naveen and I - because I wanted to see a free modern dance festival I had heard about down there. Unfortunately we got there a bit late and I mostly got to see south Asian dancing - troupes from India or American troupes doing some modern/Indian mix. There was 1 cool group that did a sort of martial arts modern combo with storytelling which was interesting. But I missed the true modern groups which I wanted to see. Oh well. Naveen and I meandered through the city for the rest of teh afternoon. We finally ended up at the famous Carnegie Deli for dinner. Sorta commercial, but the pastrami sandwich was tasty, and the knish - yum. We took home a cheesecake with strawberries on top for later which was really tasty. Yum. And the appetizer - how can I forget - it was a bowl of pickles! That made me happy right away :-).
So all in all it was a good weekend if a bit of a rollercoaster. Naveen was pretty emotional and psycho-analytic while I was sort of trying not to think about things. It was odd, but I'm glad we got to spend time together and talk through some things about the relationship which was good. Nice last times of our era. It was sad to realize we had to split - don't get me wrong, it was very necessary. But we were compatible and had fun in a lot of ways. So yeah, sad. But the right thing.
Monday was another day at work. I need to get back into work - I've been so unfocussed lately and distracted. But it was Emina's birthday, so we went out to a nice dinner for that to a Portugese/Brazilian place with lots of seafood. It was wonderful! So much "enjoy life and good friends" type of conversation. I was the American, and then there was the German+Turkish couple, the Bosnian, and the Chinese girl. Very interesting conversations - about pets, marriage, children, parents, culture, education. Random things. It was so much fun, though - we all got along well. And I somehow was the "enlightened American". Seriously. They all advocated moving away from your parents/family to another state to go to college - thought it was so necessary to growth that you leave your family and get some freedom and not be so under their noses. I think you do need freedom to some extent, but I said that kind of movement was erroding our American family because there is no more extended families and there are only small family units. Then they also argued that we should just standardize and everyone should learn English. But I said that was very arrogant as English speakers, and there's something to languages being part of culture in parts of the world and it's good to learn many languages. They said that since they all had English as a 2nd language, it wasn't arrogant for them to say - it would just be arrogant if I said it :-). Very funny. So again, good people, good conversation. We were at dinner for over 3.5 hours! And don't get me started about our lunch conversation about religion and money and suicide bombers. But anyway - I live for these discussions :-). And the food - Emina and I shared a shellfish rice traditional stew thing - was good (scallops, mussels, clam, shrimp, lobster). I liked their ceremony - they brought out bread and sausage automatically before the meal, and grapes to finish. Fun :-). So I got home late and Naveen and I had some time to say goodbye before he our short sleep and him leaving at 5:30am. I was bleary-eyed and in shock, but it really was good that he finally left. I'm sure it'll take a bit of getting used to, but really - I'll be ok. I know how to fill my schedule :-).
Tata and hope all's well.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
The End of an Era
Hi all. Sad news to say today. Naveen and I broke up - we are no longer dating. I really do feel like this is the end of an era. The reasons are complicated. We are amicable towards each other, which although rare, I believe is a good thing. Basically we grew apart. He got very ambitious with school about a year ago, to the point where he didn't have time to invest in the relationship and demanded a lot of me that I wasn't happy with. Then I began to resent all my sacrifices for him. We had arguments, and had to compromise on a lot of things. In the end, though, I broke it off because he was no longer making me happy. Quite the opposite - I felt misunderstood. I was not being supported and unconditionally loved, rather judged by his high expectations of perfection. He was very critical, and not able to be emotional himself. He hid his emotions and judged mine harshly. He wasn't able to empathize we discovered, and sympathy was hard for him. Instead of saying things in encouraging, loving tones, it was in critical, stern terms. Anyway, I don't want to bad mouth - he is a very nice guy, a loyal, honest man. Also an ambitious man. He can be caring, and he holds to his promises. But somewhere we went astray. It is sad because we thought we'd be together forever. And we have a lot of fun doing things together - similar interests, and future dreams together. But it was not meant to be. I do want to be with someone who knows I am a wonderful person and can show me that daily, who can be supportive and emotional with me. Who can make me happy again.
So that's the short of it. I might write more later, but I wanted to tell people. I will need your help - I am scared of being in NYC alone. For all my love of the place, and all my bravado, I don't feel completely at home here and next week my 2 closest friends leave too. So I am left with only acquaintances. And I know I will be lonely. And because of other events this week - my advisor is now at IBM - I might be here until/through December. She wants me to stay here. It is hard, it might be the right thing to do for my PhD, but it is hard for me. We will see where the road lies. Naveen is leaving on Tuesday and I am not going to Belize with him over Labor Day. I will value my friend and family visits all the more now. And I know I can be strong - I am a strong person - and there is a lot to look forward to out there. But there are always hard times too. So please remember I need you now more than ever.
More on the weekends events later... *Love*, Jenn
So that's the short of it. I might write more later, but I wanted to tell people. I will need your help - I am scared of being in NYC alone. For all my love of the place, and all my bravado, I don't feel completely at home here and next week my 2 closest friends leave too. So I am left with only acquaintances. And I know I will be lonely. And because of other events this week - my advisor is now at IBM - I might be here until/through December. She wants me to stay here. It is hard, it might be the right thing to do for my PhD, but it is hard for me. We will see where the road lies. Naveen is leaving on Tuesday and I am not going to Belize with him over Labor Day. I will value my friend and family visits all the more now. And I know I can be strong - I am a strong person - and there is a lot to look forward to out there. But there are always hard times too. So please remember I need you now more than ever.
More on the weekends events later... *Love*, Jenn
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