The End of an Era

Hi all. Sad news to say today. Naveen and I broke up - we are no longer dating. I really do feel like this is the end of an era. The reasons are complicated. We are amicable towards each other, which although rare, I believe is a good thing. Basically we grew apart. He got very ambitious with school about a year ago, to the point where he didn't have time to invest in the relationship and demanded a lot of me that I wasn't happy with. Then I began to resent all my sacrifices for him. We had arguments, and had to compromise on a lot of things. In the end, though, I broke it off because he was no longer making me happy. Quite the opposite - I felt misunderstood. I was not being supported and unconditionally loved, rather judged by his high expectations of perfection. He was very critical, and not able to be emotional himself. He hid his emotions and judged mine harshly. He wasn't able to empathize we discovered, and sympathy was hard for him. Instead of saying things in encouraging, loving tones, it was in critical, stern terms. Anyway, I don't want to bad mouth - he is a very nice guy, a loyal, honest man. Also an ambitious man. He can be caring, and he holds to his promises. But somewhere we went astray. It is sad because we thought we'd be together forever. And we have a lot of fun doing things together - similar interests, and future dreams together. But it was not meant to be. I do want to be with someone who knows I am a wonderful person and can show me that daily, who can be supportive and emotional with me. Who can make me happy again.

So that's the short of it. I might write more later, but I wanted to tell people. I will need your help - I am scared of being in NYC alone. For all my love of the place, and all my bravado, I don't feel completely at home here and next week my 2 closest friends leave too. So I am left with only acquaintances. And I know I will be lonely. And because of other events this week - my advisor is now at IBM - I might be here until/through December. She wants me to stay here. It is hard, it might be the right thing to do for my PhD, but it is hard for me. We will see where the road lies. Naveen is leaving on Tuesday and I am not going to Belize with him over Labor Day. I will value my friend and family visits all the more now. And I know I can be strong - I am a strong person - and there is a lot to look forward to out there. But there are always hard times too. So please remember I need you now more than ever.

More on the weekends events later... *Love*, Jenn